Now this is a diet plan!!!!



HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION



Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can

prolong life; is this true?



A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and

that's it... don't waste them on exercise.

Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your

heart will not make you live longer; that's like

saying you can extend the life of your car by

driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.





Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and

vegetables?



A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does

a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these?

Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an

efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your

system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good

source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a

pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended

daily allowance of vegetable products.





Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?



A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy

is distilled wine, that means they take the water

out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the

goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain.

Bottoms up!





Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?



A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your

ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your

ratio is two to one, etc.



Q: What are some of the advantages of participating

in a regular exercise program?



A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy

is: No Pain...Good!





Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?



A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!... Foods are fried these

days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in

it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for

you?





Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a

little soft around the middle?



A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it

gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you

want a bigger stomach.





Q: Is chocolate bad for me?



A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another

vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!





Q: Is swimming good for your figure?



A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain

whales to me.





Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?



A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!





Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions

you may have had about food and diets.



And remember:



"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the

intention of arriving safely in an attractive and

well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways

- Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other -

body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and

screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride"

 

hhahaaha!

 

lmfao!! that is great!