Give Me Jokes Damnit!
08-06-2003, 12:12 PM
#2
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pensacola, FL
Posts: 124
Wife and husband are having a quiet night at home when a burgaler breaks in. The theif ties the wife to the bed and the husband to a chair. Then the theif gets on the bed and begins kissing the wife's neck. A minute later he gets off the wife and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in the bathroom the husband softly tells the wife, "Honey, it occured to me while he was kissing your neck that he's the escaped convict from the prison. He probably hasn't had sex in awhile so do whatever he wants so that we can live. I need you to be strong."
The theif comes out of the bathroom with a tube in his hand, and the wife replies "Actually, he wasn't kissing my neck. He told me that he thought you were cute, then he asked where we kept the KY. Be strong honey."
While he's in the bathroom the husband softly tells the wife, "Honey, it occured to me while he was kissing your neck that he's the escaped convict from the prison. He probably hasn't had sex in awhile so do whatever he wants so that we can live. I need you to be strong."
The theif comes out of the bathroom with a tube in his hand, and the wife replies "Actually, he wasn't kissing my neck. He told me that he thought you were cute, then he asked where we kept the KY. Be strong honey."
08-06-2003, 12:53 PM
#5
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: London, Ontario
Posts: 2,871
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"
And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he''s on her level, and asks, "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy black wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle brown wabby over there?"
She in turn puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don''t fink my pyfon weally gives a *****!"
And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he''s on her level, and asks, "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy black wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle brown wabby over there?"
She in turn puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don''t fink my pyfon weally gives a *****!"
08-06-2003, 12:54 PM
#6
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: London, Ontario
Posts: 2,871
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss.
The brain said, "I should be boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be the boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs, and the eyes until finally the ******* spoke up.
All the parts laughed at the idea of the ******* being the Boss.
So the ******* went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered.
Eventually they all decided that the ******* should be the boss, so the motion was passed.
All the other parts did all the work while the boss just sat and passed out the ****!
Moral of the story: You don't need brains to be a boss - any ******* will do.
The brain said, "I should be boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be the boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs, and the eyes until finally the ******* spoke up.
All the parts laughed at the idea of the ******* being the Boss.
So the ******* went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered.
Eventually they all decided that the ******* should be the boss, so the motion was passed.
All the other parts did all the work while the boss just sat and passed out the ****!
Moral of the story: You don't need brains to be a boss - any ******* will do.
08-06-2003, 02:17 PM
#8
Senior Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 5,547
Originally Posted by TYSON' date='Aug 6 2003, 12:53 PM
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"
And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he''s on her level, and asks, "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy black wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle brown wabby over there?"
She in turn puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don''t fink my pyfon weally gives a *****!"
And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he''s on her level, and asks, "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy black wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle brown wabby over there?"
She in turn puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, "I don''t fink my pyfon weally gives a *****!"
08-06-2003, 02:33 PM
#10
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: London, Ontario
Posts: 2,871
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"