banzaitoyota

When I visited Scotland, I was walking across the glen when I saw a man holding a sheep with its back legs planted in his Wellington boots. "Are you shearing that sheep?" I asked. "Nay! laddie!" he replied. "Get yer own."

yonner

u must have been in aberdeen :P

banzaitoyota

A Scotsman buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and he calls a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.

The Scotsman doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, he only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will, instead, lie down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant.

The Scotsman hangs up the phone and gives the matter some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep.

So, he loads the sheep into his lorry, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and he load them into the lorry again. He drives them out to the woods, has sex with each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around. One more try, he tells himself, and he proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods again. He spends all day having sex with the sheep and, upon returning home, falls into bed exhausted.

The next morning, he's unable even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are laying in the grass. "Nae," she says, "they're all in the lorry and one of them's honking the horn."

yonner

LOL





dosent work tho we scots **** out sheep in the ****

UniqueTII

Why do Scots wear kilts?



Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

yonner

nock nock - whose there - the scotsman who? the scotsman that invented the tv



nock nock - whose there - the scotsman who? the scotsman that invented the light bulb



nock nock - whose there - the scotsman who? the scotsman that invented the telephone



nock nock - whose there - the american who? the american that called his sone to his lovly wife and sister cletus

banzaitoyota

Some of AMERICA's greatest Industrialists were of scottish decsent, they were smart enough to leave that good-foresaken excuse of a suburb of England.



You drive on the wrong side of the road, you have to pay a yearly tax to own your TV (BTW: the programming SUCKS) and the woman SMELL!

yonner

but think of the tv

yonner

hang on a second im almost full italien with sum irish in there i jsu live in this lovly land of contry roads ahhhhhh the roads