[i]What do you get between a salad and a guy?

 

is [I] is the answer.....cuz i dont get it

 

no..lol

 

So this grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says "hey we have a drink named after you" and the grasshopper says "REALLY YOU HAVE A DRINK NAMED STEVE!!!".



well at least my stoned friends liked it

of course you can get stoners to laugh at anything

 

A guy walks into a bar with a large salamander under his arm. He says "A drink for me and my friend here" The bartender says "OK. What's his name?" The guy says "Tiny"



The bartender says, "Tiny? Seems pretty big to me, why'd you name him tiny?"



The guy says, "Are you kidding? He's my newt!"

 

i dont get it

 

Very nice. Minute. My newt. Very small. Very funny.

 

Okay, I don't like to tell this one in front of a sophisticated crowd such as the nopistons crew, but here goes:

A West Virginia farmer had himself a nice little farm with sheep and pigs and goats. Being a horny fella, he often relieved his manly urges upon his livestock. His new neighbors who just moved out from the city found this to be disgusting and called the police, and sure enough, the fella was arrested and charged with bestiality. The farmer's friend tells him he better get a lawyer in town, but there's only two--one guy who is well-respected and known for his thorough knowledge of the law and another guy who seems to do well by always getting the right people on the jury. Since the first guy is very expensive, he opts for the second one.



After a few long months, the case goes to trial. The prosecution calls the neighbor witness who gets up on the stand and says " I saw Farmer Brown here mount one of his goats from behind and have his way with it. When he was finished, he pulled out his pecker and the goat turned around and licked it off!"



The farmer was sure he was as good as convicted, but one of the gentlemen in the jury nudges the man next to him and says "You know, a good goat will do that!"

 

The Irish priest was at the altar one dreary Sunday morning,

addressing his congregation with a vehement

sermon that alcohol was the work of the devil.



"As an example," he stated during his sermon,

"If you were to lead a donkey to a bowl of water and a bowl

of whiskey, from which would he drink?"



A grizzled old Mick at the back of the church spoke up: "Aye,

Father, for sure he'd drink from the water."



The priest, elated, said, "Very good, my son. And can you

tell me WHY he'd drink from the water?"



The Irishman at the back of the church replied, "Sure

I can tell ye' why, Father.

Because he's an ***."

 

A priest and a rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a

train. After a while, the priest put down his book and opened a

conversation by saying, "I know that, in your religion, you're

not supposed to eat pork... but have you really never even

tasted

it?"



The rabbi closed his newspaper and responded, "I must tell you

the truth. Yes I have, on the odd occasion."



The rabbi had his turn of interrogation. He asked, "I know that

in your religion, you're supposed to be celibate... but..."



The priest interjected, "Yes, I know what you are going to ask,

and yes, I have succumbed to temptation once or twice."



The two resumed their reading. There was silence for a while.



Then the rabbi peeked around his newspaper with a smile and

said,

"Better than pork, isn't it?!"