Two guys walk into a bar. The bartender says "What is this some sort of a joke?"

 

I always tell that one...only it's a priest, a minister, a rabbi, a jew, a horse, and a duck walk into a bar...lol. People hardly ever get that one.

 

whats worse than biteing into an apple and finding a worm?











the holocoust

 

A man and his young son are in the drugstore when the

son sees the shelf of condoms and asks his father what

they are. The dad replies, "Well son, those are condoms

and they're for protection when you're having sex."



The son then picks up one of the packs and asks why it

has three in it. The dad replies, "Those are for high

school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one

for Sunday."



The son then picks up one with six condoms asks, "Why six?"



The dad replies, "Well son, those are for college men. Two

for Friday, two for Saturday and two for Sunday."



The son then notices the 12 pack of condoms and asks the

same question.



The dad replies, "Son, those are for married men.

One for January, one for February, one for March...."

 

3 women walk into an elevator. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead.

The redhead looks down at the floor and says: "That looks like semen."

The brunette kneels down and says, "It smells like semen."

The blonde tastes it and says, "Nobody in this building."

 

dont know if you have heard this one but I will try to get it right...



One day this guy walks into a bar and asks how he can get a drink on the house. The bartender points to the backroom and says if you can make my donkey laugh I will buy your beer. So the man walks into the backroom a minute later he walks out with the donkey laughing its *** off. So the bartender nods his head and passes the guy a beer. Well the next day the comes in and asks again what can he do to get a free beer. The bartender says make my donkey laugh. So once again the man walks into the backroom and a minute later he comes out with the donkey crying like a lil girl. The Bartender hands the man a beer then asks what he said to his donkey. The man replies "Well first I told him my dick was bigger than his" and he laughed. "Then I showed him my dick was bigger than his" and he cried.....







Sorry old joke lol I barely remembered it

 

the version i heard was with a horse....



here`s another one



some guy walks down the street and finds a $100 bill. he asks himself what is he gonna do with it. he sees a ***** house and decides to get a ******* for $100. he goes in, gives the guy the $100 and asks for a *******. "3rd floor, last door on your right". an hour later, he comes out and what a ******* he got. the next day, he finds a $10 bill, goes to the ***** house, asks for a $10 bj and the guy says, 1 st floor, last door on your right. 30 minutes later he comes out, satisfied with the bj he got. the next day, he finds $1, goes to the ***** house, ask for $1 bj and the guy answers him back. "basement, the only door there is and watch out, its helluva dark in there". he goes downstairs, opens the door and feels the woman waiting for him, he puts his **** in her mouth and then notices she is crying. he goes upstairs to the guy and tells him what happened. the guy then yells "Tony, hey Tony, the dead one's full !! "

 

A guy goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help me. My ***** is orange."

The doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can check. Damned if the guy's ***** isn't orange. The doctor tells the guy, "This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a lot of stress in a person's life."



Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy, "How are things going at work?"



The guy responds that he was fired about six weeks ago. The doctor tells him that this must be the cause of the stress. The guy responds, "No. The boss was a real *******, I had to work 20-30 hours of overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening. I found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours, I'm getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is a really great guy."



So the doc figures this isn't the reason. He asks the guy, "How's your home life?" The guy says, "Well, I got divorced about eight months ago."



The doc figures that this has got to be the reason for all of the guys stress.



But the guy says, "No. For years, all I listened to was nag, nag, nag. God, am I glad to be rid of that old bitch!"



So the doc takes a few minutes to think a little longer. He inquires, "Do you have any hobbies or a social life?"



The guy replies, "No, not really. Most nights I just sit at home, watch some porno flicks and munch on Cheetos!!!"

 

LOL

 

LOL* heard it but it was cool to hear it again! lol