banzai's tuesday funnaise
12-12-2007, 05:09 PM
#23
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: The fine state of Denial...
Posts: 153
A guy walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money on the counter. He asks the bartender what the deal is and the bartender points to a horse eating hay in the corner. "If you can make that horse laugh you can take the jar home with you."
The guy says no problem, walks up to the horse and whispers in its ear. The horse starts laughing hysterically, to the point that it falls down. With a smile on his face the guy takes the jar of money and leaves while the onlookers just stare in disbelief.
Some time later the guy decides to go back to the same bar, walks in and sees the same horse and another jar full of money. The bartender changes the rules and tells him this time if he can get the horse to cry he can again take the cash.
So the guy walks over to the horse and has a short conversation with him. The horse completely breaks down and starts crying like it's world just ended. The guy goes to the bar to claim his money but the bartender demands he tell him how he was able to so easily do what no one else could.
"Easy," the guy said. "The first time I was here I told him my **** was bigger than his, the second time I showed him!"
The guy says no problem, walks up to the horse and whispers in its ear. The horse starts laughing hysterically, to the point that it falls down. With a smile on his face the guy takes the jar of money and leaves while the onlookers just stare in disbelief.
Some time later the guy decides to go back to the same bar, walks in and sees the same horse and another jar full of money. The bartender changes the rules and tells him this time if he can get the horse to cry he can again take the cash.
So the guy walks over to the horse and has a short conversation with him. The horse completely breaks down and starts crying like it's world just ended. The guy goes to the bar to claim his money but the bartender demands he tell him how he was able to so easily do what no one else could.
"Easy," the guy said. "The first time I was here I told him my **** was bigger than his, the second time I showed him!"
08-20-2008, 09:26 AM
#24
Super Moderator
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: VA
Posts: 2,532
Originally Posted by j9fd3s' post='889111' date='Dec 3 2007, 03:13 PM
. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'I'll serve you,
but don't start anything.'
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says,
'A beer please, and one for the road.'
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, 'Does this
taste funny to you?'
7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.''
'That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.'
'Is it common?'
'Well, It's Not Unusual.'
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.'
'I don't believe you,' says Dolly.
'It's true, no bull!' exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man married an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look at.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!'
The doctor replied, 'I know you can't - I've cut off your
arms!!!
13. I went to a seafood disco last week... And pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says 'Dam!'
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Of course it sank. This proved once again that you can't have
your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
'But why,' they asked.
'Because', he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'
18. A woman had twins and gave them up for adoption. One of them went
to a family in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal.' The other went to a family in
Spain ; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sent a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she told her
husband that she wished she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband
responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered
from bad breath. This made him ... A super calloused fragile mystic
hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to
his friends hoping that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'I'll serve you,
but don't start anything.'
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says,
'A beer please, and one for the road.'
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, 'Does this
taste funny to you?'
7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.''
'That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.'
'Is it common?'
'Well, It's Not Unusual.'
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.'
'I don't believe you,' says Dolly.
'It's true, no bull!' exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man married an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look at.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!'
The doctor replied, 'I know you can't - I've cut off your
arms!!!
13. I went to a seafood disco last week... And pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says 'Dam!'
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Of course it sank. This proved once again that you can't have
your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
'But why,' they asked.
'Because', he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'
18. A woman had twins and gave them up for adoption. One of them went
to a family in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal.' The other went to a family in
Spain ; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sent a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she told her
husband that she wished she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband
responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered
from bad breath. This made him ... A super calloused fragile mystic
hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to
his friends hoping that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
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