banzai's tuesday funnaise
Thread Starter
Senior Member
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 22,465
From: California
. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'I'll serve you,
but don't start anything.'
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says,
'A beer please, and one for the road.'
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, 'Does this
taste funny to you?'
7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.''
'That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.'
'Is it common?'
'Well, It's Not Unusual.'
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.'
'I don't believe you,' says Dolly.
'It's true, no bull!' exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man married an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look at.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!'
The doctor replied, 'I know you can't - I've cut off your
arms!!!
13. I went to a seafood disco last week... And pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says 'Dam!'
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Of course it sank. This proved once again that you can't have
your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
'But why,' they asked.
'Because', he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'
18. A woman had twins and gave them up for adoption. One of them went
to a family in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal.' The other went to a family in
Spain ; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sent a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she told her
husband that she wished she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband
responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered
from bad breath. This made him ... A super calloused fragile mystic
hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to
his friends hoping that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'I'll serve you,
but don't start anything.'
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says,
'A beer please, and one for the road.'
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, 'Does this
taste funny to you?'
7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.''
'That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.'
'Is it common?'
'Well, It's Not Unusual.'
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.'
'I don't believe you,' says Dolly.
'It's true, no bull!' exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man married an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look at.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!'
The doctor replied, 'I know you can't - I've cut off your
arms!!!
13. I went to a seafood disco last week... And pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says 'Dam!'
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Of course it sank. This proved once again that you can't have
your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
'But why,' they asked.
'Because', he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'
18. A woman had twins and gave them up for adoption. One of them went
to a family in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal.' The other went to a family in
Spain ; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sent a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she told her
husband that she wished she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband
responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered
from bad breath. This made him ... A super calloused fragile mystic
hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to
his friends hoping that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did.
Senior Member
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 4,775
From: Ames, IA
I got into an accident today. As my luck would have it, the other driver was a midget. I tried so hard to laugh but I just couldn't hold back. He got out of the car all pissed off and yelled "I'm not happy!". Of course, I had to respond "Well which one are you?".
