banzaitoyota

>The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well

> >

>> >dressed middle aged English woman and the seat was being used by her

dog.

>>

>> >The weary traveler asked, "Ma'am, please move your dog I need that

seat."

>>

>> >The English woman looked down her nose at the American, sniffed and

said,

>>

>> >"You Americans. Your are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my

>>

>> >little FiFi is using that seat?" The American walked away, determined

to

>>

>> >find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the

train,

>>

>> >found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked,

"Please,

>>

>> >lady. May I sit there" I'm very tired." The English woman wrinkled her

nose

>>

>> >and snorted "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also

>>

>> >arrogant....Imagine!" The American didn't say anything else, he leaned

>>

>> >over, picked up the dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat

down

>>

>> >in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that

someone

>>

>> >defend her honor and chastise the American. An English man sitting

across

>>

>> >the aisle spoke up indignantly "You know , sir, you Americans do seem

to

>>

>> >have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in

the

>>

>> >wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And

now,

>>

>> >Sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window."

ChainSawOnSteroids

waaaahahahahahahaahaa funny

banzaitoyota

Several cannibals were recently hired by a big corporation. "You are all

part of our team now," said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing.

"You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for

something

to eat, but please don't eat any of the other employees."

The cannibals promised.



Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard, and

I'm satisfied with you. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared.

Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals all shook their heads no.



After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others,

"Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?" A hand raised hesitantly, to

which the leader of the cannibals continued, "You fool! For four weeks

we've been eating Managers and no one noticed anything, but noooooo,

you had to go and eat a secretary!"

j9fd3s

haha, managers



mike

UniqueTII

Why don't cannibals eat clowns?



They taste funny.

Rotarydragon

Why'd the cannibal get thrown out of school?

For buttering up the teacher.



When do cannibals leave the table?

When everone is eaten



Did you hear about the cannibal that passed his uncle in the woods?



Did you hear about the cannibal resturant? Costs an arm and a leg



What did the cannibal get when he was late to dinner?

The cold shoulder



A man gets captured by cannibals and every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food. Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks."



Two cannibals talking "Man I really hate my mother in law." Other cannibal, "so try the potatoes"





A tourist goes to Africa and asks his tourist guide while walking in the jungle, "Are we safe here? Aren't there cannibals around here?"



And the tourist guide says, "Yes. You can be sure there is no cannibals in Africa."



And the tourist says, "But there may be still some cannibals."



And the tourist guide says, "No, rest assured. We ate the last one last Monday."









Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, "You know, I just can't seem to get a tender Missionary. I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. I just can't seem to get them tender."



The second cannibal asks, "What kind of Missionary do you use?"



The other replied, "You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads."



"Ah, ha!" the second cannibal replies. "No wonder ... those are FRIARS!"







At the site, one lone survivor sat with his back against a tree, chewing on a bone. As he tossed the bone onto a huge pile of there bones, he noticed the rescue team. "Thank God", he cried out in relief. "I am saved!"



The rescue team did not move, as they were in shock, seeing the pile of human bones beside this lone survivor. Obviously he had eaten his comrades. The survivor saw the horror in their faces and hung his own head in shame. "You can't judge me for this," he insisted. "I had to survive. Is it so wrong to want to live?"



The leader of the rescue team stepped forward, shaking his head in disbelief. "I won't judge you for doing what was necessary to survive, but my God man, your plane only went down yesterday!"

DJ Rotor

Okay, I'll add one . . .





A newlywed couple went on a cruise for their honeymoon. There ship went down and they were the only two survivors. They landed on an island where there were cannibals. But the cannibals were very pleasant; in fact when they heard that the couple were just married they threw a party in celebration. They toasted the bride . . . and barbequed the groom . . .