Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience



We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.



Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.



Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.



A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..



A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.



You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice

 

Wow. I feel smarter!

 

Don't worry, that feeling will subside. If it lasts more than 3 hours, call a doctor.

 

we park in driveways! and drive in parkways!

 

Chicken nuggets? chicken's don't have nuggets...

 

There's a difference between "their", "they're" and "there". Learn it before using them.

 

Rye makes me horny.