Take this you freedom loving douchebags!
03-26-2009, 09:57 PM
#1
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Stuart, FL
Posts: 24,416
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03-27-2009, 01:25 PM
#5
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Wayne NJ
Posts: 1,440
make sure you dont record anything off the radio!!! lol
what are they gonna conficate the 10000 songs i have on my comp along with evey other teenage person lol
dude seriously if some guy came up to me on the street while im jamming to my mp3s or phone and tried taking either i would knock him the **** out
what are they gonna conficate the 10000 songs i have on my comp along with evey other teenage person lol
dude seriously if some guy came up to me on the street while im jamming to my mp3s or phone and tried taking either i would knock him the **** out
04-01-2009, 12:22 PM
#8
Senior Member
Join Date: May 2002
Location: California
Posts: 22,465
http://snltranscripts.jt.org/79/79tdouchebag.phtml
Lord Douchebag
Noblewoman.....Laraine Newman
Nobleman.....Peter Aykroyd
Butler.....Garrett Morris
Lord Worchestershire.....Jim Downey
Lord Salisbury.....Harry Shearer
Lord Wilkinson.....Tom Davis
Lady Wilkinson.....Jane Curtin
Earl of Sandwich.....Bill Murray
Servant.....Brian Doyle-Murray
Lord Douchebag.....Buck Henry
Lady Douchebag.....Gilda Radner
[ SUPER: SALISBURY MANOR - 1730 ]
Noblewoman: What a splendid party! I do believe everyone of any importance in England is here tonight.
Nobleman: Who would miss a party given by Lord Salisbury?
Butler: [ waiting at the door for guests to arrive ] Lord and Lady Wilkinson!
Lord Worcestershire: A marvelous entertainment, Salisbury! These chopped steaks are terrific, especially with this delicious mushroom sauce.
Lord Salisbury: Thank you, Coming from you, Worcestershire, that certainly is a compliment. [ turns to his guests ] Lord and Lady Wilkinson, welcome!
Lord Worcestershire: Tell me, Wilkinson, what the deuce is the purpose of two swords?
Lord Wilkinson: It's simple, really. Let's say you're an an attacker. My first blade straightens you upright, while the second clips you neatly at the ankles.
Lady Wilkinson: And there's Lady Wilkinson, for attacking your opponent's underarms and legs!
Butler: The Earl of Sandwich!
Nobleman: Tell me, have you seen Lord Cardigan?
Noblewoman: I understand he was turned away at the door..
Nobleman: Lord Cardigan? Why in heaven's name?
Noblewoman: He wasn't properly attired. Evidently, he came in a sweater.
Nobleman: Odd. I saw Lord Ascot, and he got in..
Butler: The Duke and Duchess of Argyll!
Lord Worcestershire: You know, Sandwich.. were the Sandwich Islands named after you?
Earl of Sandwich: Oh, no. Everyone asks me that, but I'm afraid nothing has ever been named after a member of my family.
Servant: Excuse me, your Lordship, but would you care for one of Lord Salisbury's steaks?
Earl of Sandwich: Yes, I would. Would you bring it to me with a couple slices of pumpernickel, please?
Servant: Yes. [ steps away ]
Butler: Lord and Lady Doucebag!
Lord Salisbury: Well, well, well.. I was just asking Lord Sandwich, "Where the devil are those Douchebags?"
Lady Doucebag: Well, it has been impossible to get him out of his workshop! He has been working day and night.
Lord Salisbury: You, Douchebag? Well, I wasn't aware you dabbled in that sort of thing. What in heaven's name are you working on?
Lord Doucebag: Well, I would be happy to tell you.. but perhaps after you have finished eating.
Lord Salisbury: Well, here is Chambers right now. Would you like something to eat?
Lord Doucebag: We're not too hungry right now - just a plate of raw vegetables.
Lord Salisbury: Would you like some dresing with that?
Lady Doucebag: Just some vinegar and water, thank you.
Earl of Sandwich: Douchebag, how are you? I haven't seen you in the House of Lords in ages! Don't tell me for the first time in memory we are going to have a House of Parliament without a Douchebag?
Lord Doucebag: My dear Sandwich, Parliament has always had its share of Douchebags, and it always will.
Lord Salisbury: Spoken like a true Douchebag. I have often heard the King speak of your family.. [ to Earl of Sandwich ] ..and of yours, as well: "Give me a Sandwich and a Douchebag, and there is nothing I cannot do."
Earl of Sandwich: Hear, hear!
Lord Salisbury: So, tell me, Douchebag.. when are you going to show us that invention of yours?
Earl of Sandwich: Yes, Douchebag, just what kind of an invention are you sitting on?
Lord Doucebag: Well, it's a long story. Why don't we go out to the garden, and I'll explain it to you.
Earl of Sandwich: Tell me - did Lady Douchebag help you in the project?
Lord Doucebag: Help? Why.. she was the inspiration!
[ they exit to the garden to discuss the wondrous invention ]
Butler: Lord Compost Heap and Lady Disinfectant Cake!
[ fade ]
Lord Douchebag
Noblewoman.....Laraine Newman
Nobleman.....Peter Aykroyd
Butler.....Garrett Morris
Lord Worchestershire.....Jim Downey
Lord Salisbury.....Harry Shearer
Lord Wilkinson.....Tom Davis
Lady Wilkinson.....Jane Curtin
Earl of Sandwich.....Bill Murray
Servant.....Brian Doyle-Murray
Lord Douchebag.....Buck Henry
Lady Douchebag.....Gilda Radner
[ SUPER: SALISBURY MANOR - 1730 ]
Noblewoman: What a splendid party! I do believe everyone of any importance in England is here tonight.
Nobleman: Who would miss a party given by Lord Salisbury?
Butler: [ waiting at the door for guests to arrive ] Lord and Lady Wilkinson!
Lord Worcestershire: A marvelous entertainment, Salisbury! These chopped steaks are terrific, especially with this delicious mushroom sauce.
Lord Salisbury: Thank you, Coming from you, Worcestershire, that certainly is a compliment. [ turns to his guests ] Lord and Lady Wilkinson, welcome!
Lord Worcestershire: Tell me, Wilkinson, what the deuce is the purpose of two swords?
Lord Wilkinson: It's simple, really. Let's say you're an an attacker. My first blade straightens you upright, while the second clips you neatly at the ankles.
Lady Wilkinson: And there's Lady Wilkinson, for attacking your opponent's underarms and legs!
Butler: The Earl of Sandwich!
Nobleman: Tell me, have you seen Lord Cardigan?
Noblewoman: I understand he was turned away at the door..
Nobleman: Lord Cardigan? Why in heaven's name?
Noblewoman: He wasn't properly attired. Evidently, he came in a sweater.
Nobleman: Odd. I saw Lord Ascot, and he got in..
Butler: The Duke and Duchess of Argyll!
Lord Worcestershire: You know, Sandwich.. were the Sandwich Islands named after you?
Earl of Sandwich: Oh, no. Everyone asks me that, but I'm afraid nothing has ever been named after a member of my family.
Servant: Excuse me, your Lordship, but would you care for one of Lord Salisbury's steaks?
Earl of Sandwich: Yes, I would. Would you bring it to me with a couple slices of pumpernickel, please?
Servant: Yes. [ steps away ]
Butler: Lord and Lady Doucebag!
Lord Salisbury: Well, well, well.. I was just asking Lord Sandwich, "Where the devil are those Douchebags?"
Lady Doucebag: Well, it has been impossible to get him out of his workshop! He has been working day and night.
Lord Salisbury: You, Douchebag? Well, I wasn't aware you dabbled in that sort of thing. What in heaven's name are you working on?
Lord Doucebag: Well, I would be happy to tell you.. but perhaps after you have finished eating.
Lord Salisbury: Well, here is Chambers right now. Would you like something to eat?
Lord Doucebag: We're not too hungry right now - just a plate of raw vegetables.
Lord Salisbury: Would you like some dresing with that?
Lady Doucebag: Just some vinegar and water, thank you.
Earl of Sandwich: Douchebag, how are you? I haven't seen you in the House of Lords in ages! Don't tell me for the first time in memory we are going to have a House of Parliament without a Douchebag?
Lord Doucebag: My dear Sandwich, Parliament has always had its share of Douchebags, and it always will.
Lord Salisbury: Spoken like a true Douchebag. I have often heard the King speak of your family.. [ to Earl of Sandwich ] ..and of yours, as well: "Give me a Sandwich and a Douchebag, and there is nothing I cannot do."
Earl of Sandwich: Hear, hear!
Lord Salisbury: So, tell me, Douchebag.. when are you going to show us that invention of yours?
Earl of Sandwich: Yes, Douchebag, just what kind of an invention are you sitting on?
Lord Doucebag: Well, it's a long story. Why don't we go out to the garden, and I'll explain it to you.
Earl of Sandwich: Tell me - did Lady Douchebag help you in the project?
Lord Doucebag: Help? Why.. she was the inspiration!
[ they exit to the garden to discuss the wondrous invention ]
Butler: Lord Compost Heap and Lady Disinfectant Cake!
[ fade ]
