NEW RULE
11-15-2005, 05:31 PM
#31
Super Moderator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: My BIG ol TURBO-DIESEL
Posts: 5,181
New Rules from Old Farts
New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.
New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout? Luckily, it was only a finger! If it was a whole hand, Congress would have voted to keep it alive.
New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket: water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some bourbon over ice and let it melt. There's your flavored water.
New Rule: Stop f***ing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his **** will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security "crisis".
New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the ****. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," you are a huge ****.
New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy. Paper, plastic? I don't have time for that. I've just been called to do a cleanup on Aisle Nine!
New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ****. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."
New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.
New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.
New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the upscale version of looting.
New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't care in the first place.
New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.
New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout? Luckily, it was only a finger! If it was a whole hand, Congress would have voted to keep it alive.
New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket: water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some bourbon over ice and let it melt. There's your flavored water.
New Rule: Stop f***ing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his **** will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security "crisis".
New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the ****. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," you are a huge ****.
New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy. Paper, plastic? I don't have time for that. I've just been called to do a cleanup on Aisle Nine!
New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ****. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."
New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.
New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.
New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the upscale version of looting.
New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't care in the first place.
11-17-2005, 11:06 AM
#37
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Stacked outside you're trailer door
Posts: 1,430
Originally Posted by Baldy' post='779183' date='Nov 17 2005, 05:49 AM
All the scab is off. $350.
Thats not bad at all, price range.
Once I get outta the Army I think I'm gonna get full-sleeves done on both arms. One arm just depicting important events and people in my life, dates, etc. The other arm is gonna be my military experiences, Rangers fast-roping from Blackhawks, freezing our *** off in the rain, etc.
11-17-2005, 01:56 PM
#39
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Delaware
Posts: 682
Originally Posted by Shane.Trammell' post='779253' date='Nov 17 2005, 10:19 AM
was watching the new show about the dallas cowboy cheerleaders last night and they were making fun of this mexican girl who had chinese crap on her lower back that said "my family" hahaa
"mi familia" woulda been better
11-17-2005, 04:12 PM
#40
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Columbia IL/St. Louis MO
Posts: 2,748
Originally Posted by sweet7' post='779229' date='Nov 17 2005, 12:06 PM
Thats not bad at all, price range.
Once I get outta the Army I think I'm gonna get full-sleeves done on both arms. One arm just depicting important events and people in my life, dates, etc. The other arm is gonna be my military experiences, Rangers fast-roping from Blackhawks, freezing our *** off in the rain, etc.
Sweet deal, at least you have got a theme going on for yours.
My theme is pretty simple. Right arm(or I should say right side of body) is just ******* evil, gruesome, disgusting, vile etc. ****. And left side is my good side, with religious pieces, marilyn monroe already done.
Damnit, I need to get pictures of mine already. And that is a good price Baldy, that's alot of ink to do, especially on such a large area too. I would have probably gotten something of that size for the same price also.