Men's Rules
11-26-2002, 11:11 PM
#1
Senior Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Columbia, MD
Posts: 1,278
disclaimer: this may be a repost... but if so... sorry... I'm still laughing about it... so I don't care... :wiggle:
my g/f forwarded this to me today and I've never seen it before... thought someone might get some enjoyment out of it... I was laughing my *** off...
>Subject: MEN's rules!
>
>
>We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules
>from the male side. These are our rules! Please note ... these are all
>numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
>
>1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
>down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about
>you leaving it down.
>
>1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we
>can find the perfect present yet again!
>
>1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
>
>1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
>tides. Let it be.
>
>1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
>short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
>married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
>
>1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it
>that way.
>
>1. Crying is blackmail.
>
>1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do
>not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say
>it!
>
>1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a
>calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
>
>1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd
>be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with
>your dress?
>
>1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
>question.
>
>1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
>what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
>
>1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
>
>1. Check your oil! Please.
>
>1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
>fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
>
>1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us
>to act like soap opera guys.
>
>1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to
>answer.
>
>1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
>makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
>
>1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
>
>1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
>done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
>
>1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
>commercials.
>
>
>1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
>
>1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
> months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your
> girlfriends.
>
>1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,
>for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have
>no idea what mauve is.
>
>1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
>
>1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
>mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
>
>1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
>nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
>hassle.
>
>1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
>you don't want to hear.
>
>1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
>Really.
>
>1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
>discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster
>trucks.
>
>1. You have enough clothes.
>
>1. You have too many shoes.
>
>1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or
>some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell they're saying
>anyway.)
>
>1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz
>together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
>
>1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
>
>1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
>tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.
>
>1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.
my g/f forwarded this to me today and I've never seen it before... thought someone might get some enjoyment out of it... I was laughing my *** off...
>Subject: MEN's rules!
>
>
>We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules
>from the male side. These are our rules! Please note ... these are all
>numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
>
>1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
>down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about
>you leaving it down.
>
>1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we
>can find the perfect present yet again!
>
>1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
>
>1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
>tides. Let it be.
>
>1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
>short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
>married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
>
>1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it
>that way.
>
>1. Crying is blackmail.
>
>1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do
>not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say
>it!
>
>1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a
>calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
>
>1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd
>be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with
>your dress?
>
>1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
>question.
>
>1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
>what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
>
>1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
>
>1. Check your oil! Please.
>
>1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
>fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
>
>1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us
>to act like soap opera guys.
>
>1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to
>answer.
>
>1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways
>makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
>
>1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
>
>1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
>done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
>
>1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
>commercials.
>
>
>1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
>
>1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
> months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your
> girlfriends.
>
>1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,
>for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have
>no idea what mauve is.
>
>1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
>
>1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
>mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
>
>1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
>nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
>hassle.
>
>1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
>you don't want to hear.
>
>1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
>Really.
>
>1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
>discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster
>trucks.
>
>1. You have enough clothes.
>
>1. You have too many shoes.
>
>1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or
>some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell they're saying
>anyway.)
>
>1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz
>together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
>
>1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
>
>1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
>tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.
>
>1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.
