jack bauer
01-15-2007, 02:29 PM
#1
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Join Date: May 2002
Location: California
Posts: 22,465
from another forum,
1. If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Myers,
and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
2. You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
3. If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
4. Upon hearing that he was played by Keifer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
5. Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
6. Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
7. Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
8. Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
9. Every time you ********** Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not because you masturbated, but because that is how often Jack Bauer kills terrorists.
10. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
11. Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
12. Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
13. Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was
shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
14. Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
15. Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
16. Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alerted.
17. When life gives Jack Bauer lemons he uses them to kill terrorists.
18. When you open a can of whoop-***, Jack Bauer jumps out.
19. Jack Bauer has the ability to smell sounds.
20. Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
21. Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
22. Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack
Bauer says something then you better ******* do it.
23. The quickest way to a man's heart is through Jack Bauer's gun.
24. Jack Bauer can beat the gay out of Elton John.
25. No man has ever used the phrase, "Jack Bauer is a *****" in a
sentence and lived to tel...
26. People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
27. Jack Bauer helped U-2 find what they were looking for.
28. It would only take 1 bullet for Jack Bauer to kill 50 Cent.
29. The real reason the Army ditched the "Army of One" campaign? Jack Bauer sued for copyright infringement.
30. Jack Bauer named his cat 'Chuck Norris.' Why? Because He's a *****.
31. Jack Bauer doesn't urinate or defecate. He secretes waste through his pores as two chemicals which can be combined to create napalm.
32. That cougar that stalked his daughter Kim was actually Jack
Bauer's pet cat. Jack used his Beastmaster powers to keep an eye on Kim and to keep her in line through fear.
33. The only reason terrorists keep attacking LA is so they can meet Jack Bauer.
34. The ancient Chinese built the Great Wall of China not to repel the
Mongols, but rather to repel Jack Bauer. It failed when he attacked over the Himalayas.
35. His partner Chase wasn't actually in any danger from that terrorist virus. Jack Bauer just cut off his hand because that's how
he warns all of Kim's boyfriends.
36. Jack Bauer creates an "airtight perimeter" by yelling at the air and calling it a ***** until it gets its **** together and falls in line.
37. Jack Bauer parts LA traffic with his enormous member. That's why
he can reach anywhere in the city in the span of a commercial break.
38. The reason CTU's superiors are called "Division" is because Jack Bauer broke their building in half in a fit of rage because they
couldn't at least bring him a godamn sandwich in 24 hours.
39. Jack Bauer actually finishes every mission in under five minutes.
The 24 hours is just creative editing.
40. CTU stands for Jack ******* Bauer.
41. God rested on the 7th day. Jack Bauer will be spending his 7th day working his usual triple shift without sleep. Lazy *** God.
42. Jack Bauer would have gotten the ring to Mordor in 24 hours.
43. GI Joe plays with a Jack Bauer action figure.
44. Once a year, Jack Bauer kills and eats an entire blue whale. This is why he is never seen having lunch.
45. If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would
make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
46. If Jack Bauer crawls out of an air-conditioning duct and sees his shadow, it means that there will be 24 more hours of terrorists getting s***-hammered.
47. Under intense interrogation by Jack Bauer, the fifth dentist cracked and admitted he recommends Trident for his patients who chew gum.
48. On Jack Bauer's say-so, the film Gigli would cease sucking.
49. If you know something Jack Bauer doesn't, chances are you don't have any fingers left.
50. Guns don't kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
1. If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Myers,
and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
2. You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
3. If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
4. Upon hearing that he was played by Keifer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
5. Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
6. Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
7. Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
8. Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
9. Every time you ********** Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not because you masturbated, but because that is how often Jack Bauer kills terrorists.
10. 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
11. Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
12. Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
13. Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was
shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
14. Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
15. Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
16. Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alerted.
17. When life gives Jack Bauer lemons he uses them to kill terrorists.
18. When you open a can of whoop-***, Jack Bauer jumps out.
19. Jack Bauer has the ability to smell sounds.
20. Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
21. Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
22. Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack
Bauer says something then you better ******* do it.
23. The quickest way to a man's heart is through Jack Bauer's gun.
24. Jack Bauer can beat the gay out of Elton John.
25. No man has ever used the phrase, "Jack Bauer is a *****" in a
sentence and lived to tel...
26. People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
27. Jack Bauer helped U-2 find what they were looking for.
28. It would only take 1 bullet for Jack Bauer to kill 50 Cent.
29. The real reason the Army ditched the "Army of One" campaign? Jack Bauer sued for copyright infringement.
30. Jack Bauer named his cat 'Chuck Norris.' Why? Because He's a *****.
31. Jack Bauer doesn't urinate or defecate. He secretes waste through his pores as two chemicals which can be combined to create napalm.
32. That cougar that stalked his daughter Kim was actually Jack
Bauer's pet cat. Jack used his Beastmaster powers to keep an eye on Kim and to keep her in line through fear.
33. The only reason terrorists keep attacking LA is so they can meet Jack Bauer.
34. The ancient Chinese built the Great Wall of China not to repel the
Mongols, but rather to repel Jack Bauer. It failed when he attacked over the Himalayas.
35. His partner Chase wasn't actually in any danger from that terrorist virus. Jack Bauer just cut off his hand because that's how
he warns all of Kim's boyfriends.
36. Jack Bauer creates an "airtight perimeter" by yelling at the air and calling it a ***** until it gets its **** together and falls in line.
37. Jack Bauer parts LA traffic with his enormous member. That's why
he can reach anywhere in the city in the span of a commercial break.
38. The reason CTU's superiors are called "Division" is because Jack Bauer broke their building in half in a fit of rage because they
couldn't at least bring him a godamn sandwich in 24 hours.
39. Jack Bauer actually finishes every mission in under five minutes.
The 24 hours is just creative editing.
40. CTU stands for Jack ******* Bauer.
41. God rested on the 7th day. Jack Bauer will be spending his 7th day working his usual triple shift without sleep. Lazy *** God.
42. Jack Bauer would have gotten the ring to Mordor in 24 hours.
43. GI Joe plays with a Jack Bauer action figure.
44. Once a year, Jack Bauer kills and eats an entire blue whale. This is why he is never seen having lunch.
45. If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would
make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
46. If Jack Bauer crawls out of an air-conditioning duct and sees his shadow, it means that there will be 24 more hours of terrorists getting s***-hammered.
47. Under intense interrogation by Jack Bauer, the fifth dentist cracked and admitted he recommends Trident for his patients who chew gum.
48. On Jack Bauer's say-so, the film Gigli would cease sucking.
49. If you know something Jack Bauer doesn't, chances are you don't have any fingers left.
50. Guns don't kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
01-15-2007, 06:22 PM
#4
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Join Date: May 2002
Location: California
Posts: 22,465
Originally Posted by 1988RedT2' post='853359' date='Jan 15 2007, 01:16 PM
Haha. I'm so out of touch with pop culture. I had to look it up to know he's the main protagonist in the TV series "24."
yeah, i'm not really a fan, but i thought it was funny anyways. i mean if 24 is in real time, and we're in the 5th season, he's having one hell of a week!
01-16-2007, 08:35 AM
#6
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: London, Ontario
Posts: 2,871
They seem to be able to travel pretty long distances very quickly in that show. Or else everything is taking place in a radius of about 5 city blocks, and that's not the impression I get the few times I've watched the show.
01-16-2007, 09:08 AM
#7
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Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Tallahassee, FL
Posts: 5,425
Never seen it.
But if we're talking manly men, Bear Grylls (Man vs. Wild) should be added to the list. He'd eat these guys alive, not out of hate, but because he was hungry and they were nearby:
Vin Diesel
Chuck Norris
Jack Bauer
But if we're talking manly men, Bear Grylls (Man vs. Wild) should be added to the list. He'd eat these guys alive, not out of hate, but because he was hungry and they were nearby:
Vin Diesel
Chuck Norris
Jack Bauer
01-16-2007, 09:40 AM
#8
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Join Date: May 2002
Location: California
Posts: 22,465
Originally Posted by TYSON' post='853478' date='Jan 16 2007, 06:35 AM
They seem to be able to travel pretty long distances very quickly in that show. Or else everything is taking place in a radius of about 5 city blocks, and that's not the impression I get the few times I've watched the show.
my mom and my brother get sucked in, and they really enjoy it. i just think its too much, its a lot of crap to happen in 1 day...
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