Introducing....
08-16-2002, 02:33 PM
#11
omghi2u
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 7,259
One day there was a 97 year old woman, who wanted to commit suicide but unfortunately she did not know where her heart was.
So the old woman calls up her doctor and asked,''Where's my heart located?''
''On a woman, it's usually located under her left breast,'' the doctor replied.
The next day the woman was taken to the hospital and diagnosed with a gun shot wound to the knee.
So the old woman calls up her doctor and asked,''Where's my heart located?''
''On a woman, it's usually located under her left breast,'' the doctor replied.
The next day the woman was taken to the hospital and diagnosed with a gun shot wound to the knee.
08-16-2002, 02:35 PM
#12
omghi2u
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 7,259
An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man who has never been with a woman sexually.
After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad.
She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian Outback. And after a long-distance courtship, they decide to get married.
On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities. When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner.
“What happened?” she asks.
“I've never been with a woman,” he says. “But if it's anything like screwing a kangaroo I'm gonna need all the room I can get!”
After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad.
She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian Outback. And after a long-distance courtship, they decide to get married.
On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities. When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner.
“What happened?” she asks.
“I've never been with a woman,” he says. “But if it's anything like screwing a kangaroo I'm gonna need all the room I can get!”
08-16-2002, 02:36 PM
#13
omghi2u
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 7,259
10 Things In Golf That Sound Dirty
1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my *****.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.
1. Look at the size of his putter.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my *****.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.
08-16-2002, 02:38 PM
#15
omghi2u
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 7,259
A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''
The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!''
The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''
The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!''
The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''
08-16-2002, 02:40 PM
#16
omghi2u
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 7,259
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
She starts to lose consciousness, but to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
She starts to lose consciousness, but to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.
08-16-2002, 02:42 PM
#17
omghi2u
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 7,259
The other day, my friends and I went to this Ladies Night Club. One of the girls wanted to impress us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. The dancer came over to us, and my friend licked the $10 and stuck it on his butt.
Not to be outdone, my other friend pulled out a $50 bill. She called the guy back over, licked the $50 bill and stuck it on his other butt cheek.
Now the attention was focused on me. What could I do to top that? I got out my wallet and thought for a minute. Then the banker in me took over. I got my ATM card, swiped it down his crack, grabbed the 60 bucks, and went home.
Not to be outdone, my other friend pulled out a $50 bill. She called the guy back over, licked the $50 bill and stuck it on his other butt cheek.
Now the attention was focused on me. What could I do to top that? I got out my wallet and thought for a minute. Then the banker in me took over. I got my ATM card, swiped it down his crack, grabbed the 60 bucks, and went home.
08-16-2002, 02:46 PM
#18
omghi2u
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 7,259
ChainSawonSteriods, Yo Mama is so ugly, she had to get your baby sister drunk just to breastfeed it. j/p
Havent felt like working this week, too many thinkgs on my mind, so yes, I am this weeks post *****!
Havent felt like working this week, too many thinkgs on my mind, so yes, I am this weeks post *****!