For those who are bored...
11-02-2002, 12:37 AM
#1
Senior Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 5,547
These are actual clippings from church newspapers.
It's amazing what a little proof-reading would've prevented.
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be
speaking tonight at The Calvary Memorial Church
in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all
the way from Africa.
______________
Don't forget the National PRAYER & FASTING
Conference. "The cost for attending the Fasting
and Prayer conference includes meals."
______________
Our youth basketball team is back in action
Wednesday at 8 PM in the school recreation hall.
Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
______________
Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This
Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
______________
"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a
chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping
around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
______________
Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at
the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns.
Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
______________
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has
been canceled due to a conflict.
______________
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the
Water." The sermon tonight will be: "Searching for Jesus"
______________
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
They need all the help they can get.
______________
The Rector will preach his farewell message after
which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."
______________
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our
community. Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about
you, and hopefully they will respond.
______________
Don't let worry kill you - let the Church help.
______________
Irving Benson and Jessica Carter were married on
October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship
that began in their school days.
______________
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in
the church hall. Music will follow.
______________
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic
will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen
to our choir practice.
It's amazing what a little proof-reading would've prevented.
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be
speaking tonight at The Calvary Memorial Church
in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all
the way from Africa.
______________
Don't forget the National PRAYER & FASTING
Conference. "The cost for attending the Fasting
and Prayer conference includes meals."
______________
Our youth basketball team is back in action
Wednesday at 8 PM in the school recreation hall.
Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
______________
Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This
Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
______________
"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a
chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping
around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
______________
Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at
the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns.
Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
______________
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has
been canceled due to a conflict.
______________
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the
Water." The sermon tonight will be: "Searching for Jesus"
______________
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
They need all the help they can get.
______________
The Rector will preach his farewell message after
which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."
______________
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our
community. Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about
you, and hopefully they will respond.
______________
Don't let worry kill you - let the Church help.
______________
Irving Benson and Jessica Carter were married on
October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship
that began in their school days.
______________
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in
the church hall. Music will follow.
______________
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic
will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen
to our choir practice.
11-02-2002, 12:43 AM
#7
Senior Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 5,547
Who Do You Think I Am?
A man was watching the football game one Sunday morning, when his wife walked into the living room and said, "Honey, the refrigerator doesn't seem to be working very well. Can you take a look at it?"
The husband said, "Who do I look like, the Maytag repairman? I'm watching the game!"
The woman scowled and walked out. About an hour later, she walked back into the living room and said, "Honey, now the toilet is backed up! Can you please take a look at it?"
The man responded, "Who do I look like, Josephine the plumber? I'm watching the game!"
The wife turned on her heel and marched out of the living room. Later in the afternoon, she came back in and said, "I don't believe it! Now the CAR won't start! Can you please check it out?"
The man growled, "Who do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench? I told you, I'm watching the game!"
The woman, now extremely pissed off, stormed out of the room.
The next day, the man was at work, feeling guilty about the way he'd treated his wife the previous day. He decided to buy his wife some flowers and surprise her by coming home early with them. When he walked in the door, he walked into the kitchen and found her there. He gave her the flowers and apologized to her, saying, "Well, I guess I'll have a look at the fridge now."
"Don't bother", she snapped. "Bob, from next door, came by and I told him about it, so he came in and fixed it."
The man said, "Oh. Okay, well, I'll check out the toilet, then."
"He fixed that, too", she sniped.
"Oh", he said. "Alright, then, I'll take a look at the car."
"Bob already found the problem and fixed it", she said.
The husband stood there dumbfounded. "He did all that for free? Wow, that was awful nice of him."
The woman replied, "Well, he didn't exactly do it for free...."
The man said, "You mean you paid him? How much did he ask for?"
She said, "I didn't pay him in money. I asked him if there was anything I could do to repay him, and he said he wanted me to either bake him a batch of brownies or he wanted a blow job."
The man was stunned. "Okay, so you made him some brownies...."
The woman snapped, "Who do I look like, BETTY CROCKER?"
A man was watching the football game one Sunday morning, when his wife walked into the living room and said, "Honey, the refrigerator doesn't seem to be working very well. Can you take a look at it?"
The husband said, "Who do I look like, the Maytag repairman? I'm watching the game!"
The woman scowled and walked out. About an hour later, she walked back into the living room and said, "Honey, now the toilet is backed up! Can you please take a look at it?"
The man responded, "Who do I look like, Josephine the plumber? I'm watching the game!"
The wife turned on her heel and marched out of the living room. Later in the afternoon, she came back in and said, "I don't believe it! Now the CAR won't start! Can you please check it out?"
The man growled, "Who do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench? I told you, I'm watching the game!"
The woman, now extremely pissed off, stormed out of the room.
The next day, the man was at work, feeling guilty about the way he'd treated his wife the previous day. He decided to buy his wife some flowers and surprise her by coming home early with them. When he walked in the door, he walked into the kitchen and found her there. He gave her the flowers and apologized to her, saying, "Well, I guess I'll have a look at the fridge now."
"Don't bother", she snapped. "Bob, from next door, came by and I told him about it, so he came in and fixed it."
The man said, "Oh. Okay, well, I'll check out the toilet, then."
"He fixed that, too", she sniped.
"Oh", he said. "Alright, then, I'll take a look at the car."
"Bob already found the problem and fixed it", she said.
The husband stood there dumbfounded. "He did all that for free? Wow, that was awful nice of him."
The woman replied, "Well, he didn't exactly do it for free...."
The man said, "You mean you paid him? How much did he ask for?"
She said, "I didn't pay him in money. I asked him if there was anything I could do to repay him, and he said he wanted me to either bake him a batch of brownies or he wanted a blow job."
The man was stunned. "Okay, so you made him some brownies...."
The woman snapped, "Who do I look like, BETTY CROCKER?"
11-02-2002, 12:52 AM
#9
Senior Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 5,547
Spend Your Money Wisely
A man was short on cash but was horny as hell. He entered a brothel on the edge of town and said to the girl at the desk "i've only got $10. What can i get for $10?" To which the girl replied "go in the second door on the right sir". The man walked towards the door, delighted to be getting some action for just 10 bucks. He entered the room to see a huge tv screen and dvd player. Beside it was an enormous collection of dvd **** and several bottles of lube. The man was over the moon with excitement, he quickly picked a dvd and turned it on. He then spent the best hour of his life jerking off and came many times.
He cleaned up and left with a big smile on his face. He then decided to save every bit of money he had and came in the next week with 50 bucks and said to the girl "what can i get with this?" She replied "third door on the right sir". The man rushed to the door eager to see what awaited him in the room. When he entered, he saw a stool with a chicken before him. He quickly returned to the front desk with a confused look on his face and said "uhh there's just a chicken in there!" She stared blanky at him and said "yes sir, what's the problem?" The man, not wanting to waste money, said "**** it" and decided to give it a shot. He returned to the room, dropped his pants, grabbed the chicken firmly, and drove his member right up its ***. The chicken clucked loudly and shook furiously, but the guy kept pumping till he finally came. The floor of the room had feathers scattered about it and a molested chicken rolled up in a ball when the man left the room.
The man left the brothel and thought "well that wasn't as bad as i thought it would be, i'll get more money next week". Sure enough, the man entered the brothel the very next week with $100 and asked the girl his usual question. She replied "upstairs, second door on the right". The man thanked the girl and rushed upstairs due to his heavy erection. He entered the room with his hopes up, but when he saw 2 guys' asses staring him in the face he thought "**** this, no way!" As he turned to exit the room, he saw that the 2 guys weren't in an ***-**** position, they were actually looking down a hole. Filled with curiousity, the man joined the other 2 men and looked down the hole with them. The view was of the room below on ground floor. The man was surprised to see 3 naked girls playing with each other on a bed, and then going down on each other until they finished up ******* each other, each girl screaming with pleasure.
The man was completely aroused by what he saw and he said to the other 2 men as he left the room "****, that was the best hundred bucks i ever spent!" One of the other men replied "that's nothing man, you should have been in here last week...some guy fucked a chicken!!"
A man was short on cash but was horny as hell. He entered a brothel on the edge of town and said to the girl at the desk "i've only got $10. What can i get for $10?" To which the girl replied "go in the second door on the right sir". The man walked towards the door, delighted to be getting some action for just 10 bucks. He entered the room to see a huge tv screen and dvd player. Beside it was an enormous collection of dvd **** and several bottles of lube. The man was over the moon with excitement, he quickly picked a dvd and turned it on. He then spent the best hour of his life jerking off and came many times.
He cleaned up and left with a big smile on his face. He then decided to save every bit of money he had and came in the next week with 50 bucks and said to the girl "what can i get with this?" She replied "third door on the right sir". The man rushed to the door eager to see what awaited him in the room. When he entered, he saw a stool with a chicken before him. He quickly returned to the front desk with a confused look on his face and said "uhh there's just a chicken in there!" She stared blanky at him and said "yes sir, what's the problem?" The man, not wanting to waste money, said "**** it" and decided to give it a shot. He returned to the room, dropped his pants, grabbed the chicken firmly, and drove his member right up its ***. The chicken clucked loudly and shook furiously, but the guy kept pumping till he finally came. The floor of the room had feathers scattered about it and a molested chicken rolled up in a ball when the man left the room.
The man left the brothel and thought "well that wasn't as bad as i thought it would be, i'll get more money next week". Sure enough, the man entered the brothel the very next week with $100 and asked the girl his usual question. She replied "upstairs, second door on the right". The man thanked the girl and rushed upstairs due to his heavy erection. He entered the room with his hopes up, but when he saw 2 guys' asses staring him in the face he thought "**** this, no way!" As he turned to exit the room, he saw that the 2 guys weren't in an ***-**** position, they were actually looking down a hole. Filled with curiousity, the man joined the other 2 men and looked down the hole with them. The view was of the room below on ground floor. The man was surprised to see 3 naked girls playing with each other on a bed, and then going down on each other until they finished up ******* each other, each girl screaming with pleasure.
The man was completely aroused by what he saw and he said to the other 2 men as he left the room "****, that was the best hundred bucks i ever spent!" One of the other men replied "that's nothing man, you should have been in here last week...some guy fucked a chicken!!"