These are actual clippings from church newspapers.



It's amazing what a little proof-reading would've prevented.





Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be

speaking tonight at The Calvary Memorial Church

in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all

the way from Africa.



______________



Don't forget the National PRAYER & FASTING

Conference. "The cost for attending the Fasting

and Prayer conference includes meals."



______________



Our youth basketball team is back in action

Wednesday at 8 PM in the school recreation hall.

Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.



______________



Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This

Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.



______________



"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a

chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping

around the house. Don't forget your husbands."



______________



Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at

the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns.

Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.



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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has

been canceled due to a conflict.



______________



The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the

Water." The sermon tonight will be: "Searching for Jesus"



______________



Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.

They need all the help they can get.



______________



The Rector will preach his farewell message after

which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."



______________



Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our

community. Smile at someone who is hard to love.

Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about

you, and hopefully they will respond.



______________



Don't let worry kill you - let the Church help.



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Irving Benson and Jessica Carter were married on

October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship

that began in their school days.



______________



A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in

the church hall. Music will follow.



______________



At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic

will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen

to our choir practice.

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Who Do You Think I Am?



A man was watching the football game one Sunday morning, when his wife walked into the living room and said, "Honey, the refrigerator doesn't seem to be working very well. Can you take a look at it?"



The husband said, "Who do I look like, the Maytag repairman? I'm watching the game!"



The woman scowled and walked out. About an hour later, she walked back into the living room and said, "Honey, now the toilet is backed up! Can you please take a look at it?"



The man responded, "Who do I look like, Josephine the plumber? I'm watching the game!"



The wife turned on her heel and marched out of the living room. Later in the afternoon, she came back in and said, "I don't believe it! Now the CAR won't start! Can you please check it out?"



The man growled, "Who do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench? I told you, I'm watching the game!"



The woman, now extremely pissed off, stormed out of the room.



The next day, the man was at work, feeling guilty about the way he'd treated his wife the previous day. He decided to buy his wife some flowers and surprise her by coming home early with them. When he walked in the door, he walked into the kitchen and found her there. He gave her the flowers and apologized to her, saying, "Well, I guess I'll have a look at the fridge now."



"Don't bother", she snapped. "Bob, from next door, came by and I told him about it, so he came in and fixed it."



The man said, "Oh. Okay, well, I'll check out the toilet, then."



"He fixed that, too", she sniped.



"Oh", he said. "Alright, then, I'll take a look at the car."



"Bob already found the problem and fixed it", she said.



The husband stood there dumbfounded. "He did all that for free? Wow, that was awful nice of him."



The woman replied, "Well, he didn't exactly do it for free...."



The man said, "You mean you paid him? How much did he ask for?"



She said, "I didn't pay him in money. I asked him if there was anything I could do to repay him, and he said he wanted me to either bake him a batch of brownies or he wanted a blow job."



The man was stunned. "Okay, so you made him some brownies...."



The woman snapped, "Who do I look like, BETTY CROCKER?"

lmfao....them things are pretty funny

Spend Your Money Wisely







A man was short on cash but was horny as hell. He entered a brothel on the edge of town and said to the girl at the desk "i've only got $10. What can i get for $10?" To which the girl replied "go in the second door on the right sir". The man walked towards the door, delighted to be getting some action for just 10 bucks. He entered the room to see a huge tv screen and dvd player. Beside it was an enormous collection of dvd porn and several bottles of lube. The man was over the moon with excitement, he quickly picked a dvd and turned it on. He then spent the best hour of his life jerking off and came many times.



He cleaned up and left with a big smile on his face. He then decided to save every bit of money he had and came in the next week with 50 bucks and said to the girl "what can i get with this?" She replied "third door on the right sir". The man rushed to the door eager to see what awaited him in the room. When he entered, he saw a stool with a chicken before him. He quickly returned to the front desk with a confused look on his face and said "uhh there's just a chicken in there!" She stared blanky at him and said "yes sir, what's the problem?" The man, not wanting to waste money, said "**** it" and decided to give it a shot. He returned to the room, dropped his pants, grabbed the chicken firmly, and drove his member right up its ass. The chicken clucked loudly and shook furiously, but the guy kept pumping till he finally came. The floor of the room had feathers scattered about it and a molested chicken rolled up in a ball when the man left the room.



The man left the brothel and thought "well that wasn't as bad as i thought it would be, i'll get more money next week". Sure enough, the man entered the brothel the very next week with $100 and asked the girl his usual question. She replied "upstairs, second door on the right". The man thanked the girl and rushed upstairs due to his heavy erection. He entered the room with his hopes up, but when he saw 2 guys' asses staring him in the face he thought "**** this, no way!" As he turned to exit the room, he saw that the 2 guys weren't in an ass-**** position, they were actually looking down a hole. Filled with curiousity, the man joined the other 2 men and looked down the hole with them. The view was of the room below on ground floor. The man was surprised to see 3 naked girls playing with each other on a bed, and then going down on each other until they finished up ******* each other, each girl screaming with pleasure.



The man was completely aroused by what he saw and he said to the other 2 men as he left the room "****, that was the best hundred bucks i ever spent!" One of the other men replied "that's nothing man, you should have been in here last week...some guy fucked a chicken!!"

I've got tons, I'll keep 'em coming all night long.lol

Little Johnny



Little Johnny kept disrupting his third grade class by regularly

letting loud farts. His teacher kept him after school. When she

insisted on knowing why he exhibited such offensive behavior, Little

Johnny said, "I do it because I can do it better than anybody, and I'm

very proud of that fact."



The teacher says, "If I show you I can do it better than you, will

you stop?"



Little Johnny agreed and the teacher placed two pieces of paper on the

floor with identical piles of chalk dust on each one. Johnny dropped

his pants, squatted down, farted and blew all but a tiny little speck

of dust off the paper.



The teacher dropped her panties, lifted her skirt, squatted down,

farted and when she was done there was not a trace of chalk dust

left on the paper. Johnny was astonished and asked if he could see her

do it again. She was willing and as she repeated the process, Johnny

peeked up underneath her skirt.



"No wonder you won!" he exclaimed indignantly, "you've got a

Double-Barrel!"

Im Sorry



Once there was this man who had an extremely small penis and was forever unhappy about what he had been born with...



One day he was walking through town when he came upon a small store that said True Magic and Wishes...



Looking like a rather strange and interesting shop the man entered the store and walked up to the shopkeeper behind the counter...



"What do you mean by your sign, true magic and wishes" he asked curiously...



"well you see young man we have many things that can make all your dreams come true in a single wish or spell" the shopkeeper said...



"Do you have something that you always wished for?" she asked the man...



Looking abit embaressed ,the man finally said "yes, but you cant laugh ok"...



"My penis is very small and i wish it to be very big, can you help me?" The man asked...



The shopkeeper smiled "Dont be saddened by this for i have just the thing for you"...



The man watched the shopkeeper open a drawer underneath the counter and pull out a strange leather case, opening the case it contained a gold ring with a mysterious red stone set in it...



"This will help you, but there will be a price" The shopkeeper said...



The man thought about this and if he was to have a big penis he would pay anything to have it...



So after settling a price that made both parties satisfied the shopkeeper told him how to use the ring...



"It works quite simple, all you need to do is wear it like a normal ring and bump into people and let them apologise, once this happens your penis will grow a few inches each time it happens" the shopkeeper said...



The man thanked the shopkeeper and as soon as he was out of the store and on the street he couldnt wait to try it...



Slipping the ring on his finger he found that a little old lady was walking his way and he purposely bumped into her and she apologised...



Slowly he felt something strange happen to his penis and sure enough he felt it grow a few inches in his pants...



I cant beleive it ,it works like a charm, the man thought...



Next he bumped into a young man walking his dog and sure enough the young man apogised and again he felt his penis grow a little more, the man was over the moon...



The man then saw an old indian man also walking his way and again bumped into him...



The old indian man looked up at the man who had bumped into him and placed his hand upon his shoulder in gester and said...



"A thousand apologies my good man"

i cant read all that

MILF HUNTER YAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! damn im ccurnkkkk,,,, :yum: :bigthumg:

u mean crunk?

LOL, yeah MILF Hunter,

...Here's the pics for bigtime

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Well, I'm outta here. Night life calls. Gotta hit the club scene, hope it doesn't retaliate.

edit: link didn't work and I can't delete this post