i attached the intro so far, just 20 seconds not much and its off timing with the 2 guitars because I was doing it last night at 12 silent :O haha.



These are the lyrics I have so far, nothing fully set yet of course and if you guys like to give me ideas I would appreciate it. The intro is slow but this isn't a slow crying song, it's a more upbeat heavier song. Anyone listen to senses fail here? Thats what this type of song reminds me of, as well as motion city soundtrack and mae and amber pacific if that rings a bell to anyone here. Anyway here ya go..





Bridge:



for your lips are my canvas

and your lipstick my brush

I bet you cant wait for my next masterpeice

like I couldn't wait for your heart to stop







Chours:



come on baby lets create this atmosphere

come on baby all it takes is a little tryin'

so come on come on baby lets create this atmosphere





come on baby lets create this atmosphere

come on baby all it takes is a little tryin'

so come on come on baby lets create this atmosphere

lets make like capone and blow this joint





Im trying to make the chours upbeat and repeating like most songs but I changed up the last line to end it on a different melody/note.

Watcha all think? https://www.nopistons.com/forums/pub...IR#>/bigok.gif





[attachment=33564:attachment] opps heres the song

Give me a second, I have a song in the works myself.

i didnt listen to the song bc im at work with no sound so the song didnt influence this statement.



do you get off on people making fun of you or something?

All you need is a little patience.

i find people on nopistons amusing shane so, yes it is rather funny to read what people say. However I'd like to see someone who can write more poetic songs than me! A contest I assume shall be in the works, prize hmm say bragging rights ?

honestly. i think the lyrics for the bridge are really good..



but the chorus seems kinda just... hmm repetitive and "come on baby" seems kinda cheesy.. like you ran out of words to use.

any good ideas for me boxers? I know what you mean but sometimes its the cheesy stuff that sticks better in someones head ya know? Plus ya haven't really heard the melody yet for it which might change your mind about the lyrics. How ya like the intro

just do something like:



Whatcha gonna do with all that junk

all that junk inside your trunk







I'ma get get get get you drunk

get you love drunk off my hump

my hump my hump my hump my hump my hump

my hump my hump my hump my lovely little lumps



Check it out



I drive these brothers crazy

I do it on the daily

they treat me really nicely

They buy me all these ice

Dolce and Gabbana

Fendi and that Donna Karan

They be sharin

All their money got me wearing fly

Whether I aint askin

They say they love mah ass in

Seven Jeans

True religion

I say no

but they keep givin

So I keep on takin

And no I aint takin

We can keep on takin

Now keep on demonstratin



My love my love my love my love

you love my lady lumps

my hump my hump my hump

my humps they got you..







Shes got me spending..





Ohh..Spending all your money on me..and spending time on me..







Shes got me spending..





Ohh..Spending all your money on me..uh on me on me..







Whatcha gonna do with all that junk

all that junk inside that trunk..







I'ma get get get get you drunk

get you love drunk off my hump







Whatcha gonna do with all that ass

all that ass inside your jeans





I'ma make make make make you scream

make you scream make you scream



Cause of my humps my hump my hump my hump

my hump my hump my hump my lovely lady lumps



Check it out







I met a girl down at the disco

She said hey hey hey ya lets go

I can be ya baby, you could be my honey

Lets spend time not money

And mix your milk with my coco puff

milky milky coco

mix your milk with my coco puff

Milky milky

Riiiiight...







They say I'm really sexy

The boys they wanna sex me

They always standin next to me

Always dancin next to me

tryna feel my hump hump

Lookin at my lump lump

you can look but you can't touch it

if you touch it

I'ma start some drama

you don't want no drama

No no drama no no no no drama

So don't

Pull on my hand boy

you aint my man boy

I'm just tryna dance boy



And move my hump

my hump my hump my hump my hump my hump my hump

my hump my hump my hump my hump my lovely lady lumps

my lovely lady lumps my lovely lady lumps

In the back and in the front



my loving got you..





Shes got me spending..





Ohh..Spending all your money on me..and spending time on me..





Shes got me spending..







Ohh..Spending all your money on me..uh on me on me..





Whatcha gonna do with all that junk

all that junk inside that trunk







I'ma get get get get you drunk

get you love drunk off my hump







Whatcha gonna do with all that ass

all that ass inside your jeans





I'ma make make make make you scream

make you scream make you scream







Whatcha gonna do with all that junk

all that junk inside that trunk







I'ma get get get get you drunk

get you love drunk off this hump







Whatcha gonna do with all that breast

all that breast inside that shirt







I'ma make make make make you work

make you work work make you work





Shes got me spending..







Ohh..Spending all your money on me..and spending time on me..





Shes got me spending..







Ohh..Spending all your money on me..uh on me on me..

haha beautiful. im glad someone else knows that song! do you like it? its got mad beat in my car