I have a friend that is the king of the Bullshit Artists. He deserves an award or something. I've told a couple of people through AIM some of the crap he comes up with, and I figured I should just make a thread and update it every time he comes home with a new one. A little about him: he's 16 years old, 5'5", weighs about 120, has nappy hair, and blue eyes. In other words, he's short and skinny. He's a big time Japanophile. He drives an 01 Subaru WRX that he bought premodded, and it gets about 320awhp. The kid's name is Jake.



The first story: Sequential BOV?



My house, especially this room (the basement,) is the big hangout for me and my friends. We all play pool or play video games down here, and just generally sit around and talk. We're all gathered around this computer watching funny videos or something when Jake bursts in and says, "Guys guys! Guess what!" Someone sitting around me made the big mistake of saying "What?" and it all went downhill from there. "I just got through CONVERTING my BOV to sequential!" he says. I speak up, "Wait, you mean you got a new BOV?" "Nope," he responds, "I just converted my old one over, now it sounds badass." I'll let that sink in. He even BSed the process for us all, saying he tweaked something or other (I wish I remembered the whole process he described) and that's all it took. I knew he was bullshitting everyone, so we all get in for a ride to hear it. He fires up his car, shifts to first, and goes down the road a bit. He goes up to full boost once, and it does the trademark "whoosh" type sound. He goes: "Hold on hold on, I'll get it to work." He goes about half boost and lets off, of course it goes "whew whew whoosh!" And he starts going "Yeahhhhhhh!! That's what I'm talking about!"



https://www.nopistons.com/forums/pub...1047683664.gif

this thread is worthless without pics.



btw.



HKSSQV is sequential.

kid at my school when talking about BOVs.



friend of mine has an srt4, kid kept talking him into getting a bov, i was telling him not to because the bov that he wanted would hurt him more than help him (since his current one was recirculating). and the little freshmen kid said "no it doesnt, its exactley the same, its been tested!" me: "who tested it: him: "its just been proven." end of that convo, fast forward to two months later when the kid with the srt4 ended up getting the bov. little kid says "you shouldnt have gotten that bov, your car is faster with the old one" and when we confronted him about his flip flop he said "i never said that"



i cant even remember all the dumb **** hes said, but he brought a radar detector to school one day, kids like 14 doesnt drive.

I've got several others, it's just going to take me a bit to remember some of the better ones.

bullshit *******, noone likes the tuna.

Who the **** comes on a rotary forum to talk about Subarus? For ****'s sake.



My car was pre-modded to make 160 awhp. Suck on that for a bit.

https://www.nopistons.com/forums/pub...1047683785.gif

my car came PREBUILT, thats right bitch, no assembly required.



kevin.

Second story: 4 Banger Backfire



There's a guy in our neighborhood who none of us really like named Chris. He's a complete jerk to everyone and has a short fuse. Needless to say, he's not exactly welcome around here. Jake also has a problem with this fellow, but really can't say anything because of his...stature. Jake comes in yesterday going "You heard about what happened with Chris, right?" Everyone here said something along the lines of "No, what happened?" and I sighed a bit because I knew it was going to be another load. "All right, so I'm driving around in the WRX when all of a sudden, guess who comes driving by? Chris. He had his arm out the window and I laughed at him and shifted and right when I did, a huuuuggge backfire came out of my exhaust and burned his arm." I roll my eyes and wonder why he feels like he has to be so extravagantly full of it. He continues, "The next day at school, he showed me a black mark on the back of his arm and says, 'Guess what this is from.' And I say 'What?' 'It's from your backfire!' His arm was all black and stuff and I was like 'Yeeeaaaahhh!'"



I've given up a long time ago correcting him or calling out all of his bullshit, I figure now I can just archive it on here.

https://www.nopistons.com/forums/pub...1047683785.gif https://www.nopistons.com/forums/pub...1047683785.gif https://www.nopistons.com/forums/pub...1047683785.gif https://www.nopistons.com/forums/pub...1047683785.gif https://www.nopistons.com/forums/pub...1047683785.gif https://www.nopistons.com/forums/pub...1047683785.gif https://www.nopistons.com/forums/pub...1047683785.gif https://www.nopistons.com/forums/pub...1047683785.gif





oh ****



maybe he thought his bov went recirc'd?



idk

If he keeps up the pace, I can update this thing every day.

side note my friends sti does shoot fire, nothing big enough to burn an arm, but little puff puff flames.



kevin.

Dear god this is good ****.

Yeah keep us updated.

Third story: 10,000 RPMs Baybeee!



Jake's been coming over here and eating our food, hell, even flirting with my sister...pretty much taking advantage of our hospitality, which is fine. What's not fine, however, is how much **** he talks about my car project to everyone behind my back. "Jared's car's going to be too light and he's going to flip it." "My goal is to beat Jared and Ed (my dad) in circuit racing!" The list goes on. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but in my book, that's considered being a complete jackass to have no issues eating our food and still talk **** about both me and my father when he's not around. So he comes over here the other night and looks up an engine replacement for his that "redlines at 10,000 RPMs out of the box!" He then says "Hey Jared, what's your engine supposed to redline at?" "I dunno, 8,000 maybe." "Look at this here! It redlines at 10,000 RPMs!" I just sigh and continue what I'm doing.



Today, a close friend of mine comes by and says, "Jake's talking about getting this damn engine that's supposed to redline at 10,000 RPMs...I'm sick of hearing him talk about his damn car." "Haha, yeah, since having a higher redline means he'll automatically win against me." "Yeah, haha, I told him that your car'll still beat his..."



So, where does Jake get off doing this? Why, in his infinite wisdom, would he think that talking as much **** as possible behind my back will make him an accepted person over here? To alleviate my frustration, I've made a new background that I hope he sees before I have a change of heart to take it off. I'll submit that here.

print it out on a peice of paper and put it on his ****** car.

what a retard

Don't stop him from coming round. This guys a laugh.

Well, to be honest with you, a Subaru engine that's built up enough to handle 10K revs is probably strong enough to handle quite a bit of boost, so there is a lot of potential there. The most powerful EJ25 in the country is putting out over 700 awhp....

biggie biggie biggie can't you see, sometimes your words just hypnotize me. and i just love your flashy ways...

i like pie

PIE, mother fucker..... i like it. ok??

I left out the fact that he doesn't make a lot of money and is a big pipe dreamer. For example: for months he talked about getting an STi transmission to replace his since his second gear was blown (he's rough on trannies) and it never happened. He talks about getting rally gears, he talks about fixing up his suspension, he talks about body kits, he talks about stereo systems....None of this has happened yet, nor will it.

your name is jared???

And dad's name is Ed. Yep.

I, however, am not named Jared

I'll have the fifth story before way too long.

But I am named Ed. That's how weird things are these days.





Jared, I know what you mean about pipe dreamers. Hell, I guess I've made some comments like that at times. I'm planning on doing stage IV mods to my WRX over the winter, which will have to include an STi transmission, but with my luck something financially devastating will happen and I'll look just like this kid. https://www.nopistons.com/forums/pub...1047683358.gif

It wouldn't be bad if it wasn't all he talked about and we all knew it was BS all the time. I respect the cars. Do I like AWD? No. It's just not for me. One of the things that pisses me off is that he's got a constant hardon for me, but he only talks about it behind my back for other people to have to tell me later. I think I'll just start calling him out if he tries it with other people around.

That is why I try not to be near people of that age.

I'm 18?

Dude, hand him a ******* spoon, and ask him this simple question. Would you mind eating my ass?



He is such a ******' tool. I would call him on his bullshit also.



So he has just a WRX, not an STI?

I don't see how anyone could not like AWD, unless you own a track car or don't have weather. I used to be all about the RWD until I got the WRX. My old TIIs were fun, but they had way more limitations than this car.

2 words, weight and understeer.



Mark

My WRX doesn't feel any heavier than my TII, so since it's not a track car, the weight doesn't really mean anything to me. As for understeer, I noticed it at first, but now I've learned to avoid it. I'm also planning on beefing up the rear suspension (the wagon has a smaller rear swaybar) to help with that. Not all AWD cars understeer, so that's not a very good generalization.

my friends sti feels heavy as hell, it has a lot of mods on it too, chipped/reprogrammed ecu specifically for his mods, turboback straight invidia 3"exhaust, k&n intake, and some other **** that i cant remember at 5am lol https://www.nopistons.com/forums/pub...IR#>/smile.png. it still feels like a boat on wheels.



kevin.

I don't see how that's possible, but whatever. Maybe I had the heaviest TII ever.

Yeah, it's because it just feels so damn heavy to me.

Yeah they are heavy, but look at what they are doing at the track now.



I have driven a WRX, and I was NOT impressed with it. I guess cause it was an automatic???