everyone post a joke and we will have ajoke trhead KAKAKAKAK i have all the best ideas.....







a women walks into a bar and sees james bond sitting at a table. she walks over and sits down and begins talking to james. she then asks "well do u have any new gadgets?" and james replies "well i just got this watch from Q." the lady says "well what does it do?" and james says "it speaks to me telepathically." and the lady says "what is it saying to u now?" and james then says "its telling me ur not whereing any pantys." and the woman says "well it must be broken cuz i am most deffinately wearing panties." so james says "o silly me this watch is an hour fast."

lol...heard that one like 10 different times 10 different ways, never gets old though....



What do blondes and turtles have in common....































...they are both screwed when on their backs...

hehehe





here's one



some guy at the bar asks the barman if he's willing to make a bet with him. the barman answers back "what kinda bet?". the guys says "you see that glass overthere? i bet you $100 i can piss in it from here". the barman accepts knowing the guy is drunk as hell. the guy stands up and starts to piss all over the place. the guy gives him is $100 with a big smile on his face. the barman asks "what are you laughing? you just lost $100 !!" the guys tells him "i made a $250 bet with those 2 guys that i could piss all over the place and that you wouldnt give a ****"

I've heard that one too...but its all good....





What's red,blue,green,yellow,black,white,magenta,and chrome?

































every ricey civic I see.....

that was a horror story....dont confuse them with jokes!

How are hookers and butter alike?





They both spread for bread.

I read about this strange murder in the paper today. Turns out there was this Seattle couple murdered over the weekend while they were sleeping in their apartment. Whats strange is that the couple had fruit loops stuffed up their asses. The cops didn't have any idea who committed the crime, but figured they had a serial killer on their hands.

Two guys walk into a bar



That was pretty stupid, you'd think the 2nd guy was paying attention.





Two apples were being baked in an oven. One apple turns to the other apple and says "Man it sure is hot in here" The other apple says "AHHH A TALKING APPLE"

A guy goes to a hooker, and he's having a good time. All of a sudden she says that she has a glass eye. She then proceeds to remove the glass eye and tells him to screw her eye socket. Well, he loved it, and when he was ready to leave he said he would be back. The hooker said "I'll keep an eye out for you."

Bar... Alabama



This guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orderes a mudslide. The bartender looks at the man and says "You're not from round here are ya?"

"No" replied the man, "I'm from Pensylvania." The bartender looks at him and syas "Well what do you do in Pensylvania?"



"I'm a taxidermist." said the man. The bartender, looking very bewildered, now asked "What in the world is a tax-e-derm-ist?" The man looked at the bar tender and said "Well, I mount dead animals."



The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar which is staring at him "It's okay, boys! He's one of us!"

Two guys walk into a bar. The bartender says "What is this some sort of a joke?"

I always tell that one...only it's a priest, a minister, a rabbi, a jew, a horse, and a duck walk into a bar...lol. People hardly ever get that one.

whats worse than biteing into an apple and finding a worm?











the holocoust

A man and his young son are in the drugstore when the

son sees the shelf of condoms and asks his father what

they are. The dad replies, "Well son, those are condoms

and they're for protection when you're having sex."



The son then picks up one of the packs and asks why it

has three in it. The dad replies, "Those are for high

school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one

for Sunday."



The son then picks up one with six condoms asks, "Why six?"



The dad replies, "Well son, those are for college men. Two

for Friday, two for Saturday and two for Sunday."



The son then notices the 12 pack of condoms and asks the

same question.



The dad replies, "Son, those are for married men.

One for January, one for February, one for March...."

3 women walk into an elevator. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead.

The redhead looks down at the floor and says: "That looks like semen."

The brunette kneels down and says, "It smells like semen."

The blonde tastes it and says, "Nobody in this building."

dont know if you have heard this one but I will try to get it right...



One day this guy walks into a bar and asks how he can get a drink on the house. The bartender points to the backroom and says if you can make my donkey laugh I will buy your beer. So the man walks into the backroom a minute later he walks out with the donkey laughing its ass off. So the bartender nods his head and passes the guy a beer. Well the next day the comes in and asks again what can he do to get a free beer. The bartender says make my donkey laugh. So once again the man walks into the backroom and a minute later he comes out with the donkey crying like a lil girl. The Bartender hands the man a beer then asks what he said to his donkey. The man replies "Well first I told him my dick was bigger than his" and he laughed. "Then I showed him my dick was bigger than his" and he cried.....







Sorry old joke lol I barely remembered it

the version i heard was with a horse....



here`s another one



some guy walks down the street and finds a $100 bill. he asks himself what is he gonna do with it. he sees a ***** house and decides to get a blowjob for $100. he goes in, gives the guy the $100 and asks for a blowjob. "3rd floor, last door on your right". an hour later, he comes out and what a blowjob he got. the next day, he finds a $10 bill, goes to the ***** house, asks for a $10 bj and the guy says, 1 st floor, last door on your right. 30 minutes later he comes out, satisfied with the bj he got. the next day, he finds $1, goes to the ***** house, ask for $1 bj and the guy answers him back. "basement, the only door there is and watch out, its helluva dark in there". he goes downstairs, opens the door and feels the woman waiting for him, he puts his **** in her mouth and then notices she is crying. he goes upstairs to the guy and tells him what happened. the guy then yells "Tony, hey Tony, the dead one's full !! "

A guy goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help me. My penis is orange."

The doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can check. Damned if the guy's penis isn't orange. The doctor tells the guy, "This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a lot of stress in a person's life."



Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy, "How are things going at work?"



The guy responds that he was fired about six weeks ago. The doctor tells him that this must be the cause of the stress. The guy responds, "No. The boss was a real *******, I had to work 20-30 hours of overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening. I found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours, I'm getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is a really great guy."



So the doc figures this isn't the reason. He asks the guy, "How's your home life?" The guy says, "Well, I got divorced about eight months ago."



The doc figures that this has got to be the reason for all of the guys stress.



But the guy says, "No. For years, all I listened to was nag, nag, nag. God, am I glad to be rid of that old bitch!"



So the doc takes a few minutes to think a little longer. He inquires, "Do you have any hobbies or a social life?"



The guy replies, "No, not really. Most nights I just sit at home, watch some porno flicks and munch on Cheetos!!!"

LOL https://www.nopistons.com/forums/pub...1047683785.gif https://www.nopistons.com/forums/pub...1047683785.gif https://www.nopistons.com/forums/pub...1047683785.gif https://www.nopistons.com/forums/pub...1047683785.gif https://www.nopistons.com/forums/pub...1047683785.gif

LOL* heard it but it was cool to hear it again! lol

[i]What do you get between a salad and a guy?

is [I] is the answer.....cuz i dont get it

no..lol

So this grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says "hey we have a drink named after you" and the grasshopper says "REALLY YOU HAVE A DRINK NAMED STEVE!!!".



well at least my stoned friends liked it https://www.nopistons.com/forums/pub...1047683785.gif

of course you can get stoners to laugh at anything

A guy walks into a bar with a large salamander under his arm. He says "A drink for me and my friend here" The bartender says "OK. What's his name?" The guy says "Tiny"



The bartender says, "Tiny? Seems pretty big to me, why'd you name him tiny?"



The guy says, "Are you kidding? He's my newt!"

i dont get it

Very nice. Minute. My newt. Very small. Very funny. https://www.nopistons.com/forums/pub...1047683785.gif

https://www.nopistons.com/forums/pub...1047683785.gif Okay, I don't like to tell this one in front of a sophisticated crowd such as the nopistons crew, but here goes:

A West Virginia farmer had himself a nice little farm with sheep and pigs and goats. Being a horny fella, he often relieved his manly urges upon his livestock. His new neighbors who just moved out from the city found this to be disgusting and called the police, and sure enough, the fella was arrested and charged with bestiality. The farmer's friend tells him he better get a lawyer in town, but there's only two--one guy who is well-respected and known for his thorough knowledge of the law and another guy who seems to do well by always getting the right people on the jury. Since the first guy is very expensive, he opts for the second one.



After a few long months, the case goes to trial. The prosecution calls the neighbor witness who gets up on the stand and says " I saw Farmer Brown here mount one of his goats from behind and have his way with it. When he was finished, he pulled out his pecker and the goat turned around and licked it off!"



The farmer was sure he was as good as convicted, but one of the gentlemen in the jury nudges the man next to him and says "You know, a good goat will do that!"

The Irish priest was at the altar one dreary Sunday morning,

addressing his congregation with a vehement

sermon that alcohol was the work of the devil.



"As an example," he stated during his sermon,

"If you were to lead a donkey to a bowl of water and a bowl

of whiskey, from which would he drink?"



A grizzled old Mick at the back of the church spoke up: "Aye,

Father, for sure he'd drink from the water."



The priest, elated, said, "Very good, my son. And can you

tell me WHY he'd drink from the water?"



The Irishman at the back of the church replied, "Sure

I can tell ye' why, Father.

Because he's an ass."

A priest and a rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a

train. After a while, the priest put down his book and opened a

conversation by saying, "I know that, in your religion, you're

not supposed to eat pork... but have you really never even

tasted

it?"



The rabbi closed his newspaper and responded, "I must tell you

the truth. Yes I have, on the odd occasion."



The rabbi had his turn of interrogation. He asked, "I know that

in your religion, you're supposed to be celibate... but..."



The priest interjected, "Yes, I know what you are going to ask,

and yes, I have succumbed to temptation once or twice."



The two resumed their reading. There was silence for a while.



Then the rabbi peeked around his newspaper with a smile and

said,

"Better than pork, isn't it?!"

good one unique

BWAHAHAHA... oh wait there's more, I thought that was the joke.

This guy had a very attractive wife, who was always wanting clothes, jewelry, etc., but he was not too well off.

One day his wife came home with a diamond neckless.

The guy asked: "Where did you get that?"

His wife replied: "I won it at bingo."



The next night she came home with a mink coat.

The guy asked: "Where did you get that?"

His wife replied: "I won it at bingo."



The next night she came home with a Mercedes Benz.

The guy asked: "Where did you get that?"

His wife replied: "Look!! Don't keep asking where I get my things!! Go upstairs and run my bath for me!!"



His wife came upstairs to find a small amount of water in the tub.



The wife asked: "How come you put so little water in the tub?"

The guy replied: "I didn't want you to wet your bingo card"

An Irishman, American and Briton were sitting in a bar drinking. All of them notice a fly in their beer.



The American says, "Huh, there's a fly in my beer." Fishes it out and drinks the beer.



The Briton says, "Oh god, there's a fly in my beer! Bartender get me another one! How disgusting!"



The Irishman carefully fishes the fly out, holds it by it's wings and screams "SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!"



Why did God create whisky? To keep the Irish from taking over the world.