Home Remedies
01-08-2005, 04:58 PM
#1
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Ireland
Posts: 907
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: just cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.
Mark
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: just cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.
Mark
01-09-2005, 04:21 AM
#3
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Ireland
Posts: 907
Originally Posted by bodzilla02' date='Jan 9 2005, 05:19 AM
Mark
01-09-2005, 03:03 PM
#4
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Join Date: May 2002
Location: California
Posts: 22,465
Originally Posted by inanimate_object' date='Jan 9 2005, 02:21 AM
that'll work!
01-09-2005, 04:17 PM
#5
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Ireland
Posts: 907
Originally Posted by j9fd3s' date='Jan 9 2005, 10:03 PM
What's the difference between a Lada and a Jehovah's Witness?
You can close the door on a Jehovah's Witness.
From a newspaper: To the man who stole my Lada in 20 degrees of frost.
Keep the Lada, but please tell me how you started it!
What's the difference between a Lada and a sheep?
It's less embarasing being seen climbing out the back of a sheep.
What do you call a Lada convertible?
A Skip.
What do you call a Lada with a sunroof and twin exhaust pipes?
A Wheelbarrow!
Why does a Lada have a heated rear screen?
To warm your hands while you're pushing it!
How do you make a Lada disappear?
You spray it with rust remover!
How do you double the value of a Lada?
Fill it with petrol!
There is a new 16 valve Lada.
It has 8 in the radio.
What to you call a Lada with brakes?
Customised.
How can you tell a man driving a Lada?
He wears dark sunglasses.
How can you tell a Lada driver from the other people wearing dark sunglasses?
He doesn't have a white cane.
A kid is walking down the road when a car pulls up beside him. The window winds down and a middle aged man peers out and says "Come into the car and I'll take you for a drive." The kid refuses and walks on.
The car follows him and pulls up again. "C'mon" says the driver "Hop in and I'll give you a packet of Smarties".
Again the kid refuses and walks away.
The car follows him and pulls up beside him again. The driver steps out and says, "If you come for a drive I'll give you all the sweets you want".
The kid turns around and says "Look Dad, you bought the bloody Lada, now you deal with it!"
And finally the top of the hill jokes:
What do you call a Lada on top of a hill?
A miracle.
What do you call two Ladas on top of hill?
science fiction.
What do you call three Ladas on top of hill?
A mirage.
What do you call four Ladas on top of a hill?
A Lada factory.
What do you call any more than that?
A scrapyard.
Mark
01-09-2005, 09:39 PM
#9
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 464
Originally Posted by inanimate_object' date='Jan 8 2005, 02:57 PM
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
HAHA! i love that one.
01-09-2005, 10:38 PM
#10
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: San Jose, CA
Posts: 1,145
LOL! I had some guy try to race me in a Lada when i was in Finland. He revved his engine and it sounded like a box of rocks, I felt like ducking so I wouldnt get hit by the flying rods! That was the only Lada I actually saw running. I saw a bunch of them parked though!! hahah