Dags! Do You Like Dags?
01-08-2004, 07:47 AM
#1
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Central KY
Posts: 292
begin rant/
I went to my mother's house last night to set up the new Uniden phone system she got for Christmas. Her phone set-up and cords in general are disorganized as hell, for example: they used a 100 foot spool of phone cord to go 6-8 FEET!!! Then they left the spool on the ground to tangle and ensnare passers by like some kind of techno-vine. She could not figure out why she could not rent satellite movies. I deduced that it was because the phone cord from the satellite receiver was plugged into the computer (what a conversation that would be).
Well I am just about ready to loose my ever loving mind when her black dag (my old dag) Bandit, just stiffens up and falls off the couch! I get close and check to see if he is breathing and he is. He is surprisingly calm like he can see the light at the end of the tunnel or something serene like that. Well my mom just goes ape **** and starts screaming like a banshee, "Oh God no!" "Jesus help me!" "God don't let him die!" "Lord why me?". I never realized my mother was so religious... The dag at this point starts growling and wants to bite her face off. Long gone is the serenity he had earlier, he is now a stark raving mad lunatic.
So I tell her to call the vet and let him know we are on our way to the clinic for an emergency. She could not speak English at this point let alone convey the unique circumstances of the dag falling off the couch stiff and having a seizure or stroke or whatever. So I call the guy on her cell phone as I am loading the dag into my car a 2003 Pontiac (cause she lent her car to her brother). I meticulously laid out an old blanket so the dag would not shat on my seat. Well half way to town I hear the unmistakable noise of a dag barfing (It could have been my driving). My mom is screaming at this point and trying to hold the dag near her and has dislodged the blanket and turned the dag into some sort Whirling Dervish O' Vomit. It's not bad that the dag yakked. This is man's best friend here. The same dag that stayed with me for days when I was sick once. No! What bothers me is if my mother had of left the blanket were it was and not try to caress and pick the dag up, it would have been a simple fix. Now my car smells most unholy! I need a young priest and an old priest to exercise the stench.
Anyway we get to the vets office and I am trying to tell the dude what has happened and my mother is blithering and slobbering worse than the dag. So he tells her "Ma'am would you mind sitting down in the lobby? You are not helping Bandit out any here." So she sniffles and says "I'll be quiet... I promise." the guy drew some blood and stuff his finger in the dogs *** and told us he would have the results in the morning so we still don't know what caused the fit.
So I drop her off and proceed to clean my car. THERE is puke all over my back seat! The same seat I covered so well with and old blanket in the first place to prevent such a mess. WTF CHUCK?!?
Thanx all. I have never officially ranted here, but it feels nice to get it off my chest...
Jesse "don't moleste me" Gillespie
end rant\
I went to my mother's house last night to set up the new Uniden phone system she got for Christmas. Her phone set-up and cords in general are disorganized as hell, for example: they used a 100 foot spool of phone cord to go 6-8 FEET!!! Then they left the spool on the ground to tangle and ensnare passers by like some kind of techno-vine. She could not figure out why she could not rent satellite movies. I deduced that it was because the phone cord from the satellite receiver was plugged into the computer (what a conversation that would be).
Well I am just about ready to loose my ever loving mind when her black dag (my old dag) Bandit, just stiffens up and falls off the couch! I get close and check to see if he is breathing and he is. He is surprisingly calm like he can see the light at the end of the tunnel or something serene like that. Well my mom just goes ape **** and starts screaming like a banshee, "Oh God no!" "Jesus help me!" "God don't let him die!" "Lord why me?". I never realized my mother was so religious... The dag at this point starts growling and wants to bite her face off. Long gone is the serenity he had earlier, he is now a stark raving mad lunatic.
So I tell her to call the vet and let him know we are on our way to the clinic for an emergency. She could not speak English at this point let alone convey the unique circumstances of the dag falling off the couch stiff and having a seizure or stroke or whatever. So I call the guy on her cell phone as I am loading the dag into my car a 2003 Pontiac (cause she lent her car to her brother). I meticulously laid out an old blanket so the dag would not shat on my seat. Well half way to town I hear the unmistakable noise of a dag barfing (It could have been my driving). My mom is screaming at this point and trying to hold the dag near her and has dislodged the blanket and turned the dag into some sort Whirling Dervish O' Vomit. It's not bad that the dag yakked. This is man's best friend here. The same dag that stayed with me for days when I was sick once. No! What bothers me is if my mother had of left the blanket were it was and not try to caress and pick the dag up, it would have been a simple fix. Now my car smells most unholy! I need a young priest and an old priest to exercise the stench.
Anyway we get to the vets office and I am trying to tell the dude what has happened and my mother is blithering and slobbering worse than the dag. So he tells her "Ma'am would you mind sitting down in the lobby? You are not helping Bandit out any here." So she sniffles and says "I'll be quiet... I promise." the guy drew some blood and stuff his finger in the dogs *** and told us he would have the results in the morning so we still don't know what caused the fit.
So I drop her off and proceed to clean my car. THERE is puke all over my back seat! The same seat I covered so well with and old blanket in the first place to prevent such a mess. WTF CHUCK?!?
Thanx all. I have never officially ranted here, but it feels nice to get it off my chest...
Jesse "don't moleste me" Gillespie
end rant\
01-08-2004, 09:11 AM
#5
to infinity & beyond, me
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: santurce
Posts: 5,124
whats a dag?? i know my mom and my sisters would prob react the same if something happened to one of our dogs. one id miss cause i paid for, the other...i think hes mix of bipo and schizo at the same time.
i hope your dogs fine...
i hope your dogs fine...
01-08-2004, 09:57 AM
#9
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Central KY
Posts: 292
Originally Posted by treceb' date='Jan 8 2004, 07:54 AM
i realized it was a dog there. but not familiar with the dog race.
I dont know what breed of dog he is just a mut, maybe a terrior of some sort. He is real smart though. That is why I thought he was just acting at first.
01-08-2004, 09:58 AM
#10
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: St. Catharines, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,016
Originally Posted by twstdmtl' date='Jan 8 2004, 07:57 AM
Have you ever seen the movie ******? The irish pikeys call dogs "dags". I though it was funny and since I call them dags 
I've disgraced myself