banzai's tuesday funnaise
12-05-2007, 07:48 PM
#12
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Columbia IL/St. Louis MO
Posts: 2,748
Originally Posted by UniqueTII' post='889137' date='Dec 3 2007, 06:18 PM
I got into an accident today. As my luck would have it, the other driver was a midget. I tried so hard to laugh but I just couldn't hold back. He got out of the car all pissed off and yelled "I'm not happy!". Of course, I had to respond "Well which one are you?".
rofl. that is going into sig.
12-11-2007, 12:14 PM
#16
Super Moderator
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Tallahassee, FL
Posts: 5,425
It's Tuesday again!
In 1986, Dan Harrison
was on holiday in Kenya after graduating
from Northwestern University.
On a hike through the bush, he came across
a young bull elephant standing with one leg
raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed,
so Dan approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee and inspected the
elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood
deeply embedded in it.
As carefully and as gently as he could, Dan worked
the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the
elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather
curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.
Dan stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.
Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Dan never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Dan was walking through the Chicago Zoo
with his teenaged son.
As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures
turned and walked over to near where Dan and his son Dan Jr.
were standing.
The large bull elephant stared at Dan, lifted its front foot
off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several
times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Dan couldn't help
wondering if this was the same elephant.
Dan summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and
made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the
elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted
again, wrapped its trunk around one of Dan's legs and slammed
him against the railing, killing him instantly .
Probably wasn't the same elephant.
In 1986, Dan Harrison
was on holiday in Kenya after graduating
from Northwestern University.
On a hike through the bush, he came across
a young bull elephant standing with one leg
raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed,
so Dan approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee and inspected the
elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood
deeply embedded in it.
As carefully and as gently as he could, Dan worked
the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the
elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather
curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.
Dan stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.
Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Dan never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Dan was walking through the Chicago Zoo
with his teenaged son.
As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures
turned and walked over to near where Dan and his son Dan Jr.
were standing.
The large bull elephant stared at Dan, lifted its front foot
off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several
times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Dan couldn't help
wondering if this was the same elephant.
Dan summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and
made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the
elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted
again, wrapped its trunk around one of Dan's legs and slammed
him against the railing, killing him instantly .
Probably wasn't the same elephant.
12-11-2007, 10:40 PM
#18
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Miami, Florida
Posts: 1,591
2 vampires starving to death decide to split up and look for food.
If one found something to head back to the same spot in 15 min.
So one goes east one goes west and they fly off at the speed of light.
15 min later the one that went west comes back to the spot to no avail so he starts flying east
to find the vampire that went east on his way he sees the east vampire walking all covered in blood from head to toe
the west vampire says "I thought if you found food you would meat back up"
The east vampire says "I didn't find food"
the west vampire says "bull **** you are covered in blood where did it all come from?"
The east vampire says "you see that pole over there?"
the west vampire says "Yeah"
The east vampire says " Well I didn't"
If one found something to head back to the same spot in 15 min.
So one goes east one goes west and they fly off at the speed of light.
15 min later the one that went west comes back to the spot to no avail so he starts flying east
to find the vampire that went east on his way he sees the east vampire walking all covered in blood from head to toe
the west vampire says "I thought if you found food you would meat back up"
The east vampire says "I didn't find food"
the west vampire says "bull **** you are covered in blood where did it all come from?"
The east vampire says "you see that pole over there?"
the west vampire says "Yeah"
The east vampire says " Well I didn't"
12-11-2007, 10:46 PM
#19
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Miami, Florida
Posts: 1,591
This One Is Gross
Old vampire walks into a noisy vampire bar and heads to the bar he yells "BARTENDER what you serving to drink today" Bartender says "well type A, B, and O with + or - on the side" old vampire yells "I want a cup of warm water" all the sudden the whole bar quiets down and looks at the old vampire the old vampire says "WHAT ! ! !" as he pulls out a bloody tampon and says "Haven't you heard of TEA ! ! !"
Old vampire walks into a noisy vampire bar and heads to the bar he yells "BARTENDER what you serving to drink today" Bartender says "well type A, B, and O with + or - on the side" old vampire yells "I want a cup of warm water" all the sudden the whole bar quiets down and looks at the old vampire the old vampire says "WHAT ! ! !" as he pulls out a bloody tampon and says "Haven't you heard of TEA ! ! !"
12-11-2007, 10:56 PM
#20
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Miami, Florida
Posts: 1,591
True Story (Mabey) all names have been changed to protect identity
Well since i moved to Lehigh acres I noticed i had a couple gay neighbors named phins and baldy and every morning at 5:00am when i leave to work i see baldy in his kitchen jerking off. The first couple times i see this i disregard but out of curiosity I see baldy mowing the lawn one day and I ask him "hey baldy I know you and phins are a gay couple and that is not a problem for me since people have the right to choose there sexual orientation, but i noticed that almost every morning you are in your kitchen jerking off except for sat and sun" baldy says " naturally mon - fri i wake up early to make lunch for phins"
Well since i moved to Lehigh acres I noticed i had a couple gay neighbors named phins and baldy and every morning at 5:00am when i leave to work i see baldy in his kitchen jerking off. The first couple times i see this i disregard but out of curiosity I see baldy mowing the lawn one day and I ask him "hey baldy I know you and phins are a gay couple and that is not a problem for me since people have the right to choose there sexual orientation, but i noticed that almost every morning you are in your kitchen jerking off except for sat and sun" baldy says " naturally mon - fri i wake up early to make lunch for phins"