A guy was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the

seat beside him. The new guy was a wreck, pale, hands shaking,

biting his nails and moaning in fear.



"Hey, pal, what's the matter?" said the first guy.



"I've been transferred to Los Angeles, California," he answered

nervously. "They've got race riots, drugs, the highest crime

rate in the country..."



"Hold on," said the first. "I've been in L.A all my life, and

it's not bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work,

mind your own business, enroll your kids in a good school and

it's as safe as anywhere in the world."



The second guy stopped shaking for a moment and said, "Oh, thank

God. I was worried to death! But if you live there and say it's

ok, I'll take your word for it. By the way, what do you do for a

living?"



"Me?" said the first, "I'm a tail gunner on a bread truck."

A man from the East Coast is visiting California for the first time, and is conversing with a California native. He says, "I'll be visiting La Jolla (lah-JOLL-a) next week," whereupon the Californian replies, "Oh, you mean, "La-*HOY*-a?"







"Oh. Yeah, I guess so."



Then he adds, "but right now I'm staying in El Cajon (el-ca-JOHN)," and again the Californian corrects him, "You mean, El Ca *HONE*?"







"Oh. Yeah, right."







Then the Californian asks, "So when will you be returning home?"







The East Coast guy thinks about it for a minute and then answers, "Oh, I don't know, I guess sometime in *HUNE* or *HULY*!"

how many german engineers does it take to change a light bulb?



mike

None if the light bulb was engineered correctly..

what does that have to do with california?

:squint: good point, Yeah J9 what does that have to do with California.. its all your fault, now this thread has gone bad..

haha, this thread has been hijacked. turn it around and head for i ran



mike

You ran? Where?

iran

OOOOhhhhh I see, weve gone from Cali to Iran..

why are tylenols white?









cuz u want them to work

haha, someone hijacked the hijacker



mike

I would like to direct this to the distinguished members of the panel. You lousy cork-suckers. You have violated my fargin' rights. This suminonbatching country was founded so that the liberties of common patriotic citizens, like me, could not be taken away by a bunch of fargin' ice holes, like yourselves.



mike

How is California like a Granola bar?



They both contain fruits, nuts and flakes!

It was flooding in California. As the flood waters were rising, a man was on the stoop of his house and another man in a row boat came by. The man in the row boat told the man on the stoop to get in and he'd save him. The man on the stoop said, no, he had faith in God and would wait for God to save him. The flood waters kept rising and the man had to go to the second floor of his house. A man in a motor boat came by and told the man in the house to get in because he had come to rescue him. The man in the house said no thank you. He had perfect faith in God and would wait for God to save him. The flood waters kept rising. Pretty soon they were up to the man's roof and he got out on the roof. A helicopter then came by, lowered a rope and the pilot shouted down in the man in the house to climb up the rope because the helicopeter had come to rescue him. The man in the house wouldn't get in. He told the pilot that he had faith in God and would wait for God to rescue him. The flood waters kept rising and the man in the house drowned. When he got to heaven, he asked God where he went wrong. He told God that he had perfect faith in God, but God had let him drown.

"What more do you want from me?" asked God. "I sent you two boats and a helicopter."

This is pure snow! It's everywhere! Have you any idea of what the street value of this mountain is?



mike