"Truck for Sale" (or Interpreting Classified Ads)

Inspired by an article taken (in part) from an issue of The REVIEW (Buick Riviera Newsletter), we substituted the word "truck" and made some additions. I'm sure you can think of more.

"Rough but restorable"------------------------Not good enough for a parts truck.

"Parts truck" ------------------------------------ Not sure, but may have been a truck at one time.

"95% Complete" ------------------------------ Rear end cut off to make a tow truck.

"95% Restored" ------------------------------- Only needs paint, upholstery & tires.

"Needs restoration" --------------------------- Needs mechanical genius with large bankroll

"Older restoration" ---------------------------- Owner gave up on it years ago.

"Like new" -------------------------------------- "Like" 50 years ago.

Good "Southern Vehicle" ------------------ "Southern" Dakota.

"In storage since 19--" ---------------------- Owner gave up on it in "19--" or hasn't run since "19--"

"Lost storage space" ------------------------ Friends or relatives want this pile out of their yard.

"Drivable when stored" --------------------- Steered off trailer into garage.

"Engine just overhauled" ------------------- New pan and valve cover gaskets and fresh engine paint.

"Mechanically reworked" ------------------- New spark plugs and filters

"Needs battery to run" -----------------------Afraid to let you hear it run, or afraid of electrical fire

"Minor repair needed" ---------------------- Actually, complete overhaul.

"Near Showroom Condition" ------------- Parked "near a showroom."

"Factory Air" ---------------------------------- Can't get rid of smell from nearby factory.

"One owner vehicle" ------------------------- I was dumb enough to buy it and can't get rid of it.

"One-off," "Custom," or "Prototype" ---- So ugly they only made one.

"Modified/hybrid" ----------------------------- Parts from so many vehicles I don't know what it is anymore.

"Custom bodywork" ------------------------- See what happens with too much "bondo" and too much time.

"Authentic" ------------------------------------- Well, what's left is authentic!

"Classic Vehicle" ---------------------------- Anything over 5 years old.

"Engine free" --------------------------------- That's about all it's worth.

"Rust free" ------------------------------------- No charge for the rust.

"Good condition" ---------------------------- All four tires hold air.

"Clean vehicle" ------------------------------- Just washed it.

"Concourse Condition" -------------------- Just washed and waxed it.

"Best offer over $------" --------------------- Not worth half that.

"Good title" ------------------------------------ But for a different vehicle.

Needs cosmetics" -------------------------- Needs paint, interior, all chrome, wheels, engine, etc.

"Fire sale" ------------------------------------ The only way to get any money for it (set it on fire-insurance claim).

"Runabout" ----------------------------------- Runs about 10 minutes, then won't run for about an hour.

"Only used on Sundays" ------------------- Yeah, ¼ mile at a time at Irwindale "Drag City" raceway.

"Like parting with a friend" ---------------- Family dog died under the seat.

"Military model" ------------------------------ Used for target practice during WWII.

"Lots of spare parts" ----------------------- When I put it back together I had all of this stuff left over.