A wife and her husband were out shopping for a new automobile. They had been discussing this for weeks and he wanted a truck and she had her heart set on a fast 2 seater sports car.



The husband probably would have taken any old beater truck but she kept on insisting that they get a sports car and kept pushing for cars that were far more costly then they could affored.



"Look I want something smallI can zip around town,something that'll go 0 to 200 in nothing flat! My birthday is coming up you could surprise me!"



So for her birthday he bought her a bathroom scale.



Funeral services are pending.

A husband and wife are in the bedroom and the wife is looking at herself in the mirror. She's not too happy with what she sees, "Honey" she says "I'm fat, ugly, old and saggy - pay me a compliment to make me feel better". The husband replies "Well your eyes are still working".



Same outcome as above - I think I got that one off Banzai.



Mark