If Santa answered his mail honestly.....





Dear Santa,

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.

yer Frend, BiLLy



Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send

you a friggin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your

older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!

Santa

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Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and

joy in the world for everybody!

Love, Sarah



Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa



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Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy

and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do?

Love, Teddy



Dear Teddy,

Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane.

Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who

rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you

some nice Legos instead.

Santa



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Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum

kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love, Francis



Dear Francis,

Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay, I'll set you up

with a Barbie.

Santa



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Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your

reindeer outside the back door.

Love, Susan



Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding

in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.

Santa



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Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?

Your friend, Thomas



Dear Thomas,

All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most

of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly

and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the

craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.

Santa



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Dear Santa,

Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like

in the song?

Love, Jessica



Dear Jessica,

Are you really that gullible or are you just a blonde? Good luck in whatever

you do. I'm skipping your house.

Santa



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Dear Santa,

I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE

could I have one?

Timmy



Timmy,

That whiney begging **** may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't

work with me. You're getting a sweater again.

Santa



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Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?

Love, Marky



Mark, first, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your

ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a

low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the

boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.

Sweet Dreams, Santa.

I think 9BASE3 posted this a while ago...



TWISTED!!! WAKE UPPPP!!!!



haha

honestly who throws his shoe?



kevin.