Friday's Funnay's
11-12-2010, 10:26 AM
#1
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TRUE IRISH GHOST STORY
This happened a while ago in Belfast and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock story it's true.
John Bradford a 20 yr. old Queen's University student was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a storm. No cars were traveling that night. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.
Suddenly he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stop. John desperate for shelter and without thinking about it got into the car and closed the door.... Only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on!!
The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared he started to pray begging for his life. Then just before the car hit the curve a hand appeared through the window and turned the wheel. John paralyzed with terror watched as the hand repeatedly came through the window but never touched or harmed him.
Shortly thereafter John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road. So gathering strength he jumped out of the car and ran to the pub. Wet and out of breath he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.
A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying and....wasn't drunk.
Suddenly the door opened and two other people walked in from the stormy night. They like John were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar one said to the other.....
'Look Paddy...there's that freaking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it.'
This happened a while ago in Belfast and even though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock story it's true.
John Bradford a 20 yr. old Queen's University student was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a very dark night and in the midst of a storm. No cars were traveling that night. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.
Suddenly he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stop. John desperate for shelter and without thinking about it got into the car and closed the door.... Only to realize there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on!!
The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road ahead and saw a curve approaching. Scared he started to pray begging for his life. Then just before the car hit the curve a hand appeared through the window and turned the wheel. John paralyzed with terror watched as the hand repeatedly came through the window but never touched or harmed him.
Shortly thereafter John saw the lights of a pub appear down the road. So gathering strength he jumped out of the car and ran to the pub. Wet and out of breath he rushed inside and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just had.
A silence enveloped the pub when everybody realized he was crying and....wasn't drunk.
Suddenly the door opened and two other people walked in from the stormy night. They like John were also soaked and out of breath. Looking around and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar one said to the other.....
'Look Paddy...there's that freaking idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it.'
11-12-2010, 10:31 AM
#2
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Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: VA
Posts: 2,532
OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet!
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam..
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'
The doctor was shocked!
'You asked your neighbor?'
The old man replied,
'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam..
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.
'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'
The doctor was shocked!
'You asked your neighbor?'
The old man replied,
'Yep, none of us could get the jar open.'
11-27-2010, 06:16 PM
#4
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Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: VA
Posts: 2,532
Working people frequently ask retired people what
they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day, Mary my wife and I
went into town and visited a shop.
When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
We went up to him and I said, 'Come on, man,
how about giving a senior citizen a break?'
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.
I called him an “*******” . He glared at me and started
writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.
So Mary called him a “**** head”. He finished the
second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.
Then he started writing more tickets.
This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it
and went home.
We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired.
It's important at our age.
they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day, Mary my wife and I
went into town and visited a shop.
When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
We went up to him and I said, 'Come on, man,
how about giving a senior citizen a break?'
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.
I called him an “*******” . He glared at me and started
writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.
So Mary called him a “**** head”. He finished the
second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.
Then he started writing more tickets.
This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it
and went home.
We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired.
It's important at our age.
01-17-2011, 07:14 PM
#6
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Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: VA
Posts: 2,532
Okay, so it isn't Friday yet, but here's another one!
A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane'
The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.'
The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand'
'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'
The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'
The old lady replied...... 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.
A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
On the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane'
The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.'
The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand'
'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'
The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'
The old lady replied...... 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.
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