NoPistons -Mazda Rx7 & Rx8 Rotary Forum - Conservatives And Liberals

History began some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of small

bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains in

the summer & would go to the beach & live on fish & lobster in winter.

The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of beer &

the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.

These were the foundation of modern civilization & together were the

catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups: Liberals &

Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered it required grain & that was the beginning of

agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so

while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be

invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were

formed.

Some men spent their days tracking & killing animals to B-B-Q at night while

they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the

Conservative movement." Other men who were weaker & less skilled at hunting

learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's

& doing the sewing, fetching & hair dressing. This was the beginning of the

Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women.

The rest became known as girleymen.'

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the

invention of group therapy & group hugs & the concept of Democratic voting

to decide how to divide the meat & beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most

powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. The jackass symbolizes

Liberals.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white

wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well

done. Sushi, tofu, & French food are standard liberal fare. Another

interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have higher

testosterone levels than their men.

Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in

Hollywood & group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated

hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat & still provide for

their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks,

construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate

executives, soldiers, athletes & generally anyone who works productively

outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives

who want to work for a living

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the producers &

decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more

enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in

Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the

Wild West was tamed & created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history.