THE "MALE" RULES We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now
here are the rules from the male side. Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE! 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again! 1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it. 1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her. 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. 1. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on the calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand. 1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 1. Check your oil! Please. 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer. 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. 1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.! We have no idea what mauve is. 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.. 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. 1. You have enough clothes. 1. You have too many shoes. 1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz. 1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you. 1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping. |
i just leave the seat down. maybe they will learn their lesson. even though i never pee on it.
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HOME TRAINING COURSES FOR MEN
1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop 2. Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge 3. Dressing Up: Beyond the Funeral and the Wedding 4. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead 5. Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum? You CAN Tell the Difference! 6. If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away: Accepting Loss I 7. If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the Refrigerator won't Bring It Back: Accepting Loss II 8. Going to the Supermarket: It's Not Just for Women Anymore! 9. Recycling Skills I: Boxes that the Electronics Came In 10. Recycling Skills II: Styrofoam that Came in the Boxes that the Electronics Came In 11. Bathroom Etiquette I: How to Remove Beard Clippings from the Sink 12. Bathroom Etiquette II: Let's Wash Those Towels! 13. Bathroom Etiquette III: Five Easy Ways to Tell When You're About to Run Out of Toilet Paper! 14. Giving Back to the Community: How to Donate 15-Year-Old Levis to the Goodwill 15. Retro? Or Just Hideous?: Reexamining Your 1970s Polyester Shirts 16. No, The Dishes Won't Wash Themselves: Knowing the Limitations of Your Kitchenware 17. Romance: More Than a Cable Channel! 18. Strange But True! She Really May NOT Care What "Fourth Down and Ten" Means 19. Going Out to Dinner: Beyond Pizza Hut 20. Expand Your Entertainment Options: Renting Movies That Don't Fall under the "Action/Adventure" Category 21. Yours, Mine, and Ours: Sharing the Remote 22. "I Could Have Played a Better Game Than That!" Why Women Laugh 23. Adventures in Housekeeping I: Let's Clean the Closet 24. Adventures in Housekeeping II: Let's Clean Under the Bed 25. "I Don't Know" Be the First Man to Say It! 26. The Gas Gauge in Your Car: Sometimes Empty MEANS Empty 27. Directions: It's Okay to Ask for Them 28. Listening: It's Not Just Something You Do During Half-time 29. Accepting Your Limitations: Just Because You Have Power Tools Doesn't Mean You Can Fix It |
:squint:
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Originally Posted by 7Stalker' date='Jan 4 2003, 12:37 AM
HOME TRAINING COURSES FOR MEN
1. Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop 2. Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge 3. Dressing Up: Beyond the Funeral and the Wedding 4. Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead 5. Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum? You CAN Tell the Difference! 6. If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away: Accepting Loss I 7. If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the Refrigerator won't Bring It Back: Accepting Loss II 8. Going to the Supermarket: It's Not Just for Women Anymore! 9. Recycling Skills I: Boxes that the Electronics Came In 10. Recycling Skills II: Styrofoam that Came in the Boxes that the Electronics Came In 11. Bathroom Etiquette I: How to Remove Beard Clippings from the Sink 12. Bathroom Etiquette II: Let's Wash Those Towels! 13. Bathroom Etiquette III: Five Easy Ways to Tell When You're About to Run Out of Toilet Paper! 14. Giving Back to the Community: How to Donate 15-Year-Old Levis to the Goodwill 15. Retro? Or Just Hideous?: Reexamining Your 1970s Polyester Shirts 16. No, The Dishes Won't Wash Themselves: Knowing the Limitations of Your Kitchenware 17. Romance: More Than a Cable Channel! 18. Strange But True! She Really May NOT Care What "Fourth Down and Ten" Means 19. Going Out to Dinner: Beyond Pizza Hut 20. Expand Your Entertainment Options: Renting Movies That Don't Fall under the "Action/Adventure" Category 21. Yours, Mine, and Ours: Sharing the Remote 22. "I Could Have Played a Better Game Than That!" Why Women Laugh 23. Adventures in Housekeeping I: Let's Clean the Closet 24. Adventures in Housekeeping II: Let's Clean Under the Bed 25. "I Don't Know" Be the First Man to Say It! 26. The Gas Gauge in Your Car: Sometimes Empty MEANS Empty 27. Directions: It's Okay to Ask for Them 28. Listening: It's Not Just Something You Do During Half-time 29. Accepting Your Limitations: Just Because You Have Power Tools Doesn't Mean You Can Fix It |
Do too!!!! Well, with the exception of lesson 20. What I wouldn't do to meet a cute guy who actually does dishes.....to the point where it's safe to eat off of them when he's done.
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I can do dishes!
Very well too. Just point me to the dishwasher. https://www.nopistons.com/forums/pub...#>/biggrin.png |
Originally Posted by TKO' date='Jan 11 2003, 08:52 PM
I can do dishes!
Very well too. Just point me to the dishwasher. https://www.nopistons.com/forums/pub...#>/biggrin.png |
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. haha phew to bad life cant be this easy. |
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